


ColdAtom Headcanons

by ColdAtomHeadcanons



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: AU, All of the headcanons, Blind Character, Harry Potter AU, Highschool AU, M/M, OC, Oblivious Character, Soulmates AU, Total mess, jealous Len is jealous, one chapter with character death, past!Ray
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-05 21:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6724948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdAtomHeadcanons/pseuds/ColdAtomHeadcanons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every chapter is a different little fic or drabble from the tumblr, for the genre look up the title of the chapter :) I'll be naming them accordingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Past!Ray on Waverider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: How about Coldatom, where they brought past!Ray along like the other past!legends, except he's a bit harder to keep under control than the kids, so he gets out and goes exploring - and stumbles across his future self and Captain Cold making out.

Ray thought about ships before - what twelve year old boy (or a girl) doesn’t - but it was always just that. The imagination of a child running wild. The idea of anyone kidnapping him on a ship that could, obviously, cross not only space but also _time_ never occurred to him.

…well, okay, he _did_ think about being The Doctor’s companion (a foolish little dream) but the guy that saved him didn’t look like The Doctor. And the woman that tried to kill him didn’t look like a Dalek. He also didn’t appreciate the little explanation he got ‘You need to stay here, Dr. Palmer, otherwise the time stream can be disturbed’, because taking him _out_ of his time? That was already messing up with the time stream.

… not that Ray didn’t like it, a tiny little bit. Okay, a lot. This was probably the most exciting thing that happened in his life _ever_ and he was already counting seeing Avengers, which counts into the first _five_ of epic and exciting moments of Ray’s life. Being on this ship counted much _higher_ so Ray was not complaining about staying here. He _was_ complaining about having to be locked up, not being able to see and try to figure out more. He _was_ a scientist, after all. And this ship was something to be studied, and Ray really, really wanted to see more. But the door seemed too heavy to move, especially since he had access to some kind of power source to pour more juice into it and mess with it enough so it would give.

Now, that was like a nightmare. Ray sighed, resting his hand against the side of the door, running it up and down, just trying to find a way to give -

“Dr. Raymond Palmer. Access granted.” Female voice sounded and Ray’s eyes widened when the door slipped open, revealing a corridor. Not really thinking too hard he stepped out, looking both sides before turning left. If anyone was going to catch him, well. At least Ray had the chance to look at this place a little. The material used for the walls wasn’t a normal metal, he was sure. It looked differently, hell it _felt_ differently at some places.

.. Ray wondered if he could get to the bridge and maybe sit in the Captain’s chair. He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on his face, he could totally be -

“Captain Kirk. The bridge’s calling you.” A drawl sounded from just behind a corner and Ray stopped. He didn’t want anyone to see him, getting caught wasn’t what he really wanted. Oh, he could appreciate these people saving his life, but unless he was allowed to look around this place, he was going to _kick_ himself.

“You think I’m Kirk?”

Ray’s eyes widened at that, because that voice was way too familiar and no way. Could it be?

“I thought you’d want me to be Han Solo more. I mean you are more of a Star Wars fan than Star Trek. God knows why. I mean, Star Trek is _so_ much better.”

“Raymond, shut up.”

And since when could Ray pick between Star Trek and Star Wars? He never could, because it was like the favorite color thing. Or the favorite Beatle. Both of the franchises were so good, it would be just unfair to pick one over other.

“I mean, The USS Enterprise would delete The Falcon from existence and - hump.” That was followed with a thud and Ray’s eyes widened, forgetting all about staying hidden and quickly crossing over to the corner. His eyes turned into saucers, when he saw what he guessed was himself - pressed against the wall and being kissed senseless. By a guy. Ray was _pretty sure_ that was a guy.

The other Ray also seemed to be really into it, if the way he answered the kiss with… fervor was anything to go by. Also the way the other him very _enthusiastically_  pushed his hips against the leg that was sitting between his own and -

“Wait… I’m not straight?”

The two pulled away from each other at that, and Ray would contemplate how weird it was to be staring into his own wide eyes and ones that were _not_ in the mirror, but he was still a bit flabbergasted by the fact that he was obviously making out with a _man._

A man that was looking at him, before he rolled his eyes, and turned to glare at his other counterpart.

“There are no problems with the kids, but there just _have_ to be some with you, don’t there, Raymond.”

“That’s not _my_ fault.” The other Ray said and Ray himself, could see the drawling guy lift an eyebrow at… his other self. Okay he had to give him that. His other self seemed to think the same, because rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Okay, it kind of _is_ my fault, but not really? I mean, I didn’t kidnap myself.”  he pointed out and well… Ray agreed with _that_. It was some kind of different, more cool western style guy.

Ray opened his mouth and the other guy had to notice, because he turned to glare at him. Which ehm.. unfair. He didn’t do anything yet.

… other than escape his imprisonment.

“We can’t answer any of your question, so don’t even start, Boy Scout.”

Ray opened his mouth at that - at the same time that his other counterpart did, and the other guy groaned.

“Yes, _Eagle_ Scout, I know. It’s an _expression_.”

Oh. Okay. Ray could understand that.

“Wait, not even one?” He asked, turning to his other self. The guy didn’t seem to be too happy to go with Ray’s wishes, even though he had his tongue _down Ray’s throat_ just few minutes ago.

“Weeell-”

“Raymond.”

“Come on, Len, don’t you think we should? At least one? He’s here at place he doesn’t know anything about, after gotten beaten up without any reason.” Ray was nodding at that, because _yes, thank you_ , that was exactly it and the other guy - Len, as Ray learned - sighed.

“I’m not explaining this to Rip.”

His other self beamed and turned to him.

“Okay, what do you want to know? How does this ship work? If we’re hero? What is our future like?”

“… are we _really_ not straight?” Ray asked. He kind of expected the confused look his other self got. He also kind of expected Len facepalming lightly. What he _didn’t_ expect was Len stepping forward, slipping his hand behind Ray’s neck and pulling his head to him and-

wow… okay. They really weren’t straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come visit me at coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com


	2. ColdAtom HighSchool AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School AU for the ColdAtom Week 2016

 

Ray Palmer doesn’t have that many friends. Oh there are people around him, how could there not be with him being in the football team - a wish of his father’s to make him participate more in ‘team’ like things - and being the sole heir to the Palmertech made him, in theory, a great person for a lot of people to be interested. The interest ran for only as long until Ray opened his mouth. Because when he does, they suddenly give him that weird look. And it’s not like Ray can talk about who is famous or who slept or wanted to sleep with whom. He wasn’t paying attention to that (half of the time not even noticing when there was someone crushing on HIM, and only finding out weeks later thanks to Felicity). So what he usually talked about was the new technology that he could work on, and all the movies and games that he saw and the excitement that they brought. Not many people seem to like that though - or well, no one but Felicity and Cisco, but Felicity is a bit busy with her current boyfriend and Cisco isn’t in Ray’s class.

So the feeling of being alone slowly creeps closer and closer to Ray’s heart, even though he is still smiling and still tries his best to be friendly with people around him. The smile feels unnatural, wrong pulling on his lips as it does but as long as no one notices it’s good.

But it looks like someone does notice. One day Ray finds a folded paper on his desk and for a second he thinks that maybe a class before him left the note there by accident. He still looks at it though, a bit curious to see what friends used to talk about lately and when he opens it, it almost falls from his hands.

**You should have a Star Wars marathon. Always makes me feel better. Maybe it will bring a real smile on your face as well, Raymond.**

Ray’s head snaps around, trying to see who could write that but no one is watching him, no one’s even really turned to his direction. His eyes fall back to the paper and he can feel a smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he fights the urge to press the note against his chest and instead pockets it.

The notes don’t stop though. They turn into suggestions for books, and other movies and once or twice even a Disney fairy tale. There are mentions of places that are wonderful and people should go and see and ones that the person is sure Raymond would like. That is one of the things Ray notices. It’s always Raymond with them, never Ray or Palmer. Raymond, or there was one occasion when he was called a ‘Boy Scout’ and Ray wondered how did they know and if they made a mistake there on purpose.

There is a note every single day. And Ray starts to feel better, the notes turn into easy compliments or well something between compliments and insults at first - you could’ve chosen a worse shirt to wear, I guess, - and few weeks later what Ray finds is a name of a cinema and a time when the new Star Wars movie is airing. His heart beats like crazy when he stares as it, because that means that his notewriter wants to meet him doesn’t it?  
  
He goes to the cinema early, way early and he’s standing there and talking himself in and out of leaving several times until there is a snort  behind him.  
  
“Are you going to run, Raymond?” Ray swallows and spins around, only to be greeted with a smirking Leonard Snart. A guy that Ray is well aware of in his class, but one that very rarely talks to him, if at all. For a moment he wonders if this is a coincidence. Then he wonders if it’s a joke… but before his mind can carry him too far there, Len rolls his eyes and reached up - Ray notices he’s higher than Len - and then his brain is fried, because he’s kissed. And not the soft kisses he and Anna shared long time ago either. But hard and hot and Len’s fingers are buried in Ray’s hair and tugging lightly and a groan escapes Ray’s lips only to be caught by Len’s.

When the guy pulls back, he’s still smirking.

“Can’t let that brain of yours go crazy, can we. We both know you’d stress yourself over this and would want to leave or something.”

That is the moment that Ray realizes just how well Len has to know him. He wrote all those notes. Each and every one of them, the sweet ones, the innocent ones, the ones that made Ray’s heart skip. Len is standing in front of him now, cocky smirk on his lips but his eyes are a bit hesitant, as if he is unsure whether the next move is his or Ray’s and that, more than anything else made Ray smile. He wants to get to know Len. He needs to get to know him better, to try this thing - if there is a thing - between them.  
  
So he smiles and touches the hand that is still in his hair - as if Len just doesn’t want to let go either and shrugs.

“I can’t leave. “ he says, looking at Len who stands just a bit straighter at that, “the movie is supposed to make me smile. Not that the company didn’t do it already.”

 

 

 


	3. ColdAtom First Date in 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: FIRST DATE IN 2016 GOING HELLA WRONG COS THEY'RE SO NERVOUS AND ITS REALLY SWEET AND FLUFFY

Ray thought that going back to 2016 will make everything okay again. After all it would mean that they beat Savage and there wasn’t a bigger challenge than that. Oh, just how wrong he was.

The biggest challenge was coming back to their lives and pretend nothing happened. That they just disappeared for several weeks, that it wasn’t years. That they didn’t see time lines broken and mended. That they didn’t see their friends and family dying and that they didn’t change at all. That nothing changed.

Only some things _did._ Ray’s eyes slip to the side, at the man lying next to him with closed eyes.

“I can _hear_ you thinking, Raymond.” Len says, and doesn’t bother opening his eyes. “Can’t sleep like that.”

“Come on a date with me.” The words stumble out of Ray’s mouth and he, himself, is surprised at them, but he isn’t taking them back. That’s something he wants, he realizes. 

Len _does_ look at him then, his eyes narrowing just slightly in the way that they do when Len’s trying to figure something (Ray) out.

“People usually do the date thing _before_ they get to the point where _we_ are, Raymond.” Len says and he’s not looking away from him. And maybe that’s the tiny bit of hope that Ray needs, the hope that makes him sit up and lick his lips. 

“I know, I just… I want to go to dinner with you. I want to go see a movie with you, I want to laugh about stupid things, I want to hold your hand and I just.. .want the whole world to know that you chose me. I want to have memories with you outside of life threatening situations and bedroom.” Ray probably isn’t making any sense, he knows that. He doesn’t really expect Len to understand him either. 

But the man just watches him for a while, then nods and Ray can almost hear the fireworks.

* * *

 

“This was a bad idea, Raymond.” Len growls as he evades another obstacle in his way and Ray can’t help but chuckle. Mostly because the only other thing he can do is cry and he really doesn’t want to do that.

This whole date is so terrible that Ray almost regrets asking Len out. First they spend literally _hours_  in the car because of the traffic. They are late for dinner and they only get to eat because Ray is rich - and really, really desperate - but they still have to wait for a table to free itself. 

It’s obvious  that Ray picked a wrong restaurant as well, because Len keeps looking around and muttering about not being dressed right.  Then their movie is cancelled because of this or that villain and Ray has this _wonderful_ idea about going to mall since there is supposed to be some kind of event going on. 

What he doesn’t count with is the clowns and Len not being overly fond of them. The mall is also full of people and that means a lot of pictures are being taken and Len puts his sunglasses on. When Ray actually dares to kiss Len, Len’s moving and he ends up kissing most of Len’s nose and there’s nothing, literally _nothing_ that can save the day. 

So Ray knows it is a bad idea. He knows and he hoped for this day to  be something different but it’s _not_  and he shrugs. 

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, looking away from a couple sitting on a bench and whispering to each other. “We can leave if you want.” They should leave probably, so this day wouldn’t go down as the worst in history. 

Len looks at him, then rolls his eyes and catches Ray’s hand, pulling him towards one of the ‘game’ corners. Len’s hand is warm and he doesn’t look back when Ray yelps.   
  
“Can’t leave without shooting something for my girl, can I?” 

Ray’s eyes widen and his breath catches in his throat, before he shakes his head. 

“As you say so often, there is not a girl in this relationship.” He says, but still watches as Len rolls his eyes, puts the money on the counter and takes the rifle handed to him. He shoots one, two, three times and doesn’t miss once. 

And when Len presses the big blue-green elephant with pink eyes that he won to Ray’s chest, he shrugs. 

“Well, sometimes you can fool even me.”

Ray can’t help himself, his arms wound around the ugly toy and he pulls it, closer to him, trying to hide the small smile on his face. 

“Well, that’s an accomplishment.” Len gives him this _look_  and when they kiss this time… it’s not awkward at all. It’s just a peck, but Ray doesn’t remember feeling this loved. 

Well… maybe the date won’t be a disaster after all. 


	4. ColdAtom Soulmates AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soulmates AU for the Coldatom Week 2016 Day One (I think)

 

 

 

 

Ray feels like he should be embarrassed. He has no idea why Sara thinks it’s okay to use the bathroom while Ray is using it - he is sure, Gideon warned her- but Sara grins as she steps into the room and Ray’s busy trying to hide most of his front. 

“Sara?!” He yelps and Sara rolls her eyes. 

“Calm down, cowboy, I’m sure you don’t have anything I haven’t seen yet.” She says and smirks. 

“Though, you do have a nice butt. It’s not really visible through all the things on that suit of yours.” Ray almost yelps, but Sara’s eyes run higher and suddenly she’s stepping closer. “That… looks similar to Leonard’s mark.” She says and Ray can feel his heart start beating like crazy in his chest. 

“What?” He asks, turning to her, and only regretting it when Sara’s eyes fall down and she whistles. 

“Alright. So maybe you have something I haven’t seen before.” 

Ray doesn’t run out of the bathroom. He just walks out. Rather quickly. 

* * *

 

Sara’s words don’t leave him though, and he’s staring at Len more and more often. He wonders if Sara can be right. If Len and he could share a mark. But shouldn’t one feel certain connection? An electric kick as they touch? At least that was in all the books and movies and Ray is pretty sure that didn’t happen. Sure, the first time they touched they punched each other, so they wouldn’t notice any shocks, probably, but still. 

With time, Ray gets a bit… desperate. He offers to get a bath ready for Len. He offers to tend to his injuries. He offers to hold his clothes while he changes. Ray admits to even trying to walk into the bathroom when Len’s using it, just to get a glimpse when the guy’s not clothed (it would seem like Len doesn’t even know what that is) but the guy (smartly) locks the door. 

It would also seem that Len’s starting to see something’s wrong, because he starts giving him this… _look_. One that makes Ray’s stomach jump and he’s stepping outside of his room one day, when he’s suddenly pushed back, hot mouth descending on his own and the door to his room slid shut. Len’s fingers slip into the waistband of Ray’s pants, and Ray gasps, but doesn’t ask. IT feels like way too long since he was able to share something like this with anyone. All the doubts that he might feel disappear as Ray succumbs to the soft touches and warm kisses and the passion burning inside of Ray’s stomach.

It’s only some time later, Len dozing off next to him still fully clothed while Ray’s naked as on the day he was born, that Ray dares to reach out and lift Len’s shirt lightly, only to have his hand grabbed.

Len’s eyes are opened, glaring at him. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks and Ray knows he shouldn’t. There are literally warning bells sounding at the back of his mind, but he still opens his mouth and spills, telling Len about the mark and Sara’s words and when Len groans and closes his eyes, his head thumping back against the pillow, Ray can feel something small breaking in him.

He slips to the side of the bed and wants to leave, go to the shower and forget that Len’s obviously not too happy about the possibility of being Ray’s soulmate, but the hand grasping his wrist just tightens. 

“Don’t listen to Sara.” The man says and Ray swallows. He knows what Len wants to tell him. “She never saw my mark. No one did.” There’s something in Len’s voice, something that makes Ray turn to face him and Len’s lifting his shirt, revealing several scars on a small part of his skin. Part of his skin that obviously carried a soul mark before and Len’s frowning when he continues, explaining that that’s Lewis work or rather, what was left of it.

“So if you’re looking for some assurance, or a soul mate, you should look elsewhere.” 

Ray bites his lip, but then he’s kissing Len, his hand slipping to the back of Len’s head. And he wonders what really makes a soulmate. That maybe, just maybe it’s more than just a mark on one’s skin. 

 

 


	5. Oblivious!Ray, jealous!Len

Aww thank you so much! I don’t even deserve all of this wonderful messages, but I’m still gonna take them <3

Ray doesn’t really know what Len’s problem is. The mission is clear. Get in, get some information and get out. And alright, Ray isn’t currently working on their mark, but they couldn’t just talk to the guy. It would be just a tiny bit obvious what they were after - Ray learned his lesson after Vostok.

So he mingles, while Sara scouts the area and everything is just fine. Ray doesn’t hear much about the mark or about the diary they are actually looking for, so he has no information for Len as to its whereabouts. He’s just talking to this guy - people from the future are always so interesting, always so full of knowledge - when Ray feels the glare at the back of his head. He shivers and forces himself not to look back.

“Hey. Are you okay?” The guy - Matt, Ray thinks is the name - asks and Ray nods his head. 

“Yes, sure.” The freezing feeling doesn’t go away though, but Ray still smiles. “What were we talking about?” 

A concerned frown appears on Matt’s face and he touches Ray’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “Not that you don’t look good, I’m pretty sure you look good enough to _eat_ all the time, but…” 

“I work out.”  Ray says and smiles. It’s nice to know that some people can notice. Matt’s hand falls down to Ray’s bicep and squeezes.

“I can see that. Pretty sure you can get hard _all around_. You really have to _work out_ often.” 

“I do.” Ray nods at that. “You seem to exercise a lot as well.” And it is true. Ray can see it, running his eyes over Matt’s body. It was obvious that the guy had to work out at least a bit, because well. Those clothes hid a lot, but what Ray can see is still a nice body under it. 

“Oh, I _do.”_ Matt nods and steps just a tiny bit closer to Ray. Ray wonders what kind of cologne they use in this time, because it smells kind of nice. The hand on his arm slips up, to Ray’s shoulder and then to his neck. 

“We could exercise together if you want.” Matt adds and leans closer. Ray can smell the cologne even better and he tries to take a very subtle whiff to remember the smell and maybe replicate it, it was really good, when suddenly he can feel a hand curling in his suit and pulling him back. He flails, and for a horrible moment thinks that that’s it, Savage found them and Ray won’t have enough time to get into his suit, thus he won’t have enough time to warn the others. Savage will get to them and there will be nothing Ray can do and - 

An arm winds itself around Ray’s waist as he is pulled against a firm chest. 

“The two of us are already working out, no worries.” Len drawls from behind him, and Ray wants to send him a glare. No reason to be this _rude_ , after all. But Matt winces and lifts his hands up in the end. 

“Sorry, bro, didn’t know this one was taken. I mean, he was pretty open to suggestions.” 

“Yeah, he’s sometimes stupid like that.” The arm around his waist tightens and Ray frowns, feeling like he missed a part of the conversation. What the hell? 

Matt’s eyes turn to Len and he smirks. 

“But if you guys are up for a threesome…” 

…threesome in exercise? Okay, Ray knew about these things where you are supposed to work on several machines and like change them every five minutes, which might be good if there are more people involved, might make it more fun. 

“That sounds okay.” Ray says, smiling. They probably won’t be able to, they need to return to the ship later on, but hey… at least the guy won’t feel bad. 

“Not interested.” Len says and Ray turns around to glare and tell him to stop that behavior. But Matt is already laughing and waving his hand off, leaving them alone. 

“What was this for?” Ray asks, half glaring and Len shrugs. 

“Saving your ass. Literally. You’re welcome.” And fine. Now Ray is sure that the two of them were in a totally different conversation. 

“We were talking about exercise. I’m sure that has nothing with -” 

Len rolls his eyes and leans his head to the side. 

“You were talking about sex, Raymond. He was hitting on you and calling you a pretty little whore, practically.” 

Ray opens his mouth and closes it, several times in a row… before he shakes his head. 

“No. I know when people are hitting on me.” 

Len lifts an eyebrow at that. Very slowly and Ray feels like he is not so subtly trying to call Ray an idiot. He scoffs, loud and clear as well.

“You do not.” 

Ray is about to complain, but suddenly, Len is kissing him, tongue slipping into his mouth, and he’s pretty sure he hears some catcalls and wolf whistles and this is what one calls proper company?!

Len pulls back and smirks. 

“You really, _really_  do not.” 


	6. Ray dying... and being brought back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: what if Ray saves Lisa from dying but he is the one ending up dead instead? Len would be heartbroken of course but Lisa would find a way to bring Ray back to life. How would she do that?

Len can feel his heart stopping in his chest. He never thought he could feel like that with someone else than his sister, but at the moment he’s kneeling in front of the body, his sister clutching at his arm, and Len feels pretty much dead inside. 

He’s used to seeing his comrades leave. He’s used to killing his team every now and then - at least before this stupid agreement with The Flash - hell, he abandoned Mick, and while that felt pretty horrible, it didn’t feel like this. 

His hand is trembling when it slips into Ray’s hair still as soft as he remembers from the evenings and nights they shared together, Ray lying on Len’s lap, smiling like that is everything he wishes for in the whole world, and Len pretending he’s bothered and making stupid quips, but not letting Ray get up, enjoying the closeness. 

Ray’s face looks peaceful, a little smile on his lips almost, looking like all these times that he fell asleep next to Len and Len’s fingers tighten in his hair and he pulls lightly. 

It’s stupid. He knows that. Ray’s eyes won’t open and he won’t suddenly start to breathe, so his hand slipping to his cheek and tapping it lightly is illogical. It can’t happen, it won’t happen, but Len still shakes the man. 

“Wake up.”

“Lenny-”

“I don’t care if you can’t hear me, Raymond, you’re gonna wake up right this second, you understand?!”

 He’s aware of the team gathering around the three of them - Lisa, Len and Ray - but he doesn’t care. He can’t. He needs Ray to get back and it isn’t because he needs to tell him about his feelings. Sure, he didn’t voice them, but he is sure Ray knows about them all. He knows how _human_  he makes Len feel, how weak and strong at the same time, how desperate and needy and… happy. As happy as Len can be, even though he doesn’t deserve half of it.

He’s sure Ray knows about all of that, he remembers all the secret smiles Ray had on his face whenever Len was protesting about things and the stolen moments in time. So it’s not that Len needs to tell him. 

It’s just that Len _needs_  Ray around, because he can’t part with the feelings that Ray made him feel. 

Mick’s hand is on his shoulder, for the first time since he returned to them he actually touches Len and Len can’t even pay enough attention to that. 

“Snart… Len. Let him go.” Mick’s voice is cold and practical and he’s right. Of course he is right, because what Len cared about, is gone. This is just a body, a sentimental value and Len still can’t pull away. “You can’t do anything. You can’t bring him back.”

“That’s not true.” That’s Lisa and Len knows she is wrong and that he shouldn’t let the hope rise in his chest, because he did so many times, over and over even with Lewis, all the time he said sorry and that it won’t happen again and the hope got smashed again. Len doesn’t want to feel it, but it’s there, flickering as he looks at his sister. Who is not looking at him - but Sara. 

And she is right, isn’t she? Sara was dead and came back. Both of them have to have the same manic look in their eyes because Sara shakes her head. 

“No. Trust me, it’s not that easy. You have no idea how it feels, if I didn’t have my sister -”

“He’ll have us.” Lisa interrupts her. “Lenny, me and _you_. You know what he’d go through, you were there. We can do this.”

“You wouldn’t wish the pit on anyone, trust me. The way it makes you feel, you go _crazy.”_

 _“Sara.”_  Len says quietly and swallows. He can’t do anything more. 

* * *

 

Pain, pain, _pain._  There is nothing more than pain, and death and fear and screams and _pain_. He trashes, hands holding him down. He bares his teeth and he hears screaming, so much screaming. He’s trying to get free, kicking, and the screaming has to come from _him_ , because his throat is sore, it feels like it’s bleeding and he can’t move. His fingers are digging into flesh, and he can smell blood, he knows the smell, but the restrains don’t lessen even one bit. 

There is a body above him. 

“You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. I promise.” The words should be cold, but they feel like a blanket settling over his body, they feel like a familiar weight, which is stupid, because nothing is familiar. Not even he, himself. 

But he can still feel his eyes closing and his body giving up. Before he slips away completely, he can still hear the muttered: 

“You’ll be okay, Raymond.”

The words feel like a promise, or something more, making unknown warmth spread in his chest. 

… whoever Raymond is, he is going to be okay. 


	7. Fix it for 1x15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: Pls do a fix fic for the last legends episode. I'm still so sad :(

 

Len knows this is it. He is prepared for it, he knew it was coming when he agreed to tag along on this suicide mission that is anything that Rip Hunter plans. He doesn’t even have that many regrets. He got the kiss from Sara that he wanted when this _magical_ journey first started. He had Raymond. He had the man in his arms, they shared the kisses and bed and the man is also his regret.

Because he knows it won’t be easy for Raymond. He knows the man is going to hurt, as much if not more as he did when he lost Anna. Len hates himself just a bit for doing that to the person he loves. He is not afraid to admit it, he’s sure Raymond knows that too. Somehow the guy with the horrible movie and quote sense got under his skin and somehow the first and last thought of the day belonged to him now.

It seems he is going to be Len’s last thought ever as well. Ray and Lisa and how sorry Len feels that he can’t even say goodbye to them. Can’t tell them he’s doing it for them, can’t tell them that he can’t live knowing they would be in danger. Mick will be angry, but he’ll understand. And the ring Len planted on him…  hopefully he’ll understand he’s supposed to give that to Lisa as well. Ray could get his cold gun…

The place is suddenly full of the Time Masters and their goons and Len glares. The thing is pulsing under his hand - the end has to be near.

“There are no strings on me.” He spits, the light’s too bright and he closes his eyes. 

Suddenly there’s a touch on his arm and the ‘Len!’ and Len’s eyes snap open, but all he can see is blue, blue, _blue._

 _“_ Just don’t let go.” His mind is being cruel - and then suddenly everything’s dark. That is until the light in Raymond’s helmet turns on, as well as the lights on his gloves and he’s staring around them, wide eyed. 

“We’re not dead.” The words are a bit breathless and happy and it’s a bit overwhelming because Len didn’t expect to _be_ alive. It also makes him mad, because Raymond wasn’t _sure_ this would work, he wasn’t sure _he_ won’t die and if he died along with Len, Len would haunt his ass. And not in the good way. 

Then Raymond’s eyes turn to Len and he swallows. “You’re alive.” He fumbles with the helmet, letting it fall down to his feet and his hands are on Len in the next instant, running over his arms and chest and before Len knows it, he’s hugged and Ray’s kissing him, rough and hot and desperate. Len kisses back, his hands burying themselves into Raymond’s hair. There is the feeling of _wrong_ though, Len pulls back after a while and understands what it is.

There is a scar running down Ray’s right cheek, his eyes look so much more tired, and there are a few silver streaks in Ray’s hair. Len swears and runs his fingers over the scar lightly.

“How much time?” He asks, and Ray shrugs. 

“Just a few years.”   
  
“Raymond.” He drawls and Boy Scout grins. 

“Did you know nobody else calls me that?” He asks, and Len’s pretty sure those are tears in his eyes. “I never noticed until…” Len frowns and Ray gives a quiet laugh. 

“Five years.” 

“It took you five years to beat Savage?” 

Ray looks down and there’s just something about the way he looks, something that makes Len’s stomach turn and he frowns. Of course. The real problem wouldn’t be Savage would it.

“I was dead for five years, wasn’t I?” Raymond flinches at that, and Len sighs. “I’m not going to say I’m sorry. I didn’t plan for it to be like that, but I would do it again.” He knows he hurt Ray. He can see it in Raymond’s eyes, and he feels just a little bit guilty, but if the event repeated itself, Len’s decision wouldn’t be different. 

“I know.” Ray mutters and takes a deep breath. He is quiet for a moment, thinking and then he looks up at Len, a small smile - a fake one - settles on his face. “I hate to say it, but it’s time for you to get to me. Or well other me.” 

There’s something Raymond isn’t telling him. Len’s pretty sure about that, because he has this guilty look in his eyes, and Ray winces.

“Look it’s… it’s for the best. You want to see him, don’t you?” He shrugs. “And he’s having a hard time coping. It’s better not to have him go without you for too long.”

“What about you? Won’t you disappear?” If Len never dies, they won’t have a reason to go back looking for him. They’ll create a paradox and … Len’s not really sure what paradoxes in timelines do. He never cared to ask Rip. 

“Not really. I’ll just tear the timelines. Create an alternate one, where your Ray will have you and… nothing changes on this side.” Len frowns at that. Wouldn’t it be better to stay here? No tearing in timelines, nothing. He opens his mouth, but Ray’s there, kissing him again, his hand moves over Len’s chest, and Len hears a quiet whirl. Ray’s already pulling back and is smiling at him. There are tears in his eyes though, and the man suddenly looks younger than Len ever saw him. “If there’s one version of me that doesn’t have to obsess about that moment… that won’t have to go back again and again, that won’t have to betray his friends… I don’t want to become like Rip. I’m past saving already.” Ray says and Len wants to reach out, he wants to yell at Ray, ask him what he did, but the thing on his chest suddenly starts shooting blue light, just as the doors Len didn’t notice before open and there’s shouting. He sees Ray flying up, before everything goes dark.

* * *

 

“Len?!” Len hears the gasp before he opens his eyes. He’s pretty sure people are staring at him, everyone is, Rip is blabbering something, but Len doesn’t care. He steps to Raymond, catches the back of his neck and pulls, smashing his lips against Ray’s, kissing him, before pulling back and resting his forehead against the Boy Scout’s. 

“You’re forbidden to go crazy, you hear me?”


	8. Ray saving Len (Last fight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: What about the legends are all fighting against Vandal Savage (last big battle) and either Len or Ray see, that the other is being attacked from behind so they run to the other person and get stabbed instead

They won. And while Len expects the feeling of satisfaction at the sight of Savage, defeated, he doesn’t expect the overwhelming relief in his chest, flooding into every part of his body.  They _won._ They survived, the world - Lisa and her future - is safe and they are free to go home, back to 2016. 

The thought is nice and sad at the same time, because there is nothing Len wants more than return to his sister, make sure she’s really safe and yet, he still feels a pang of regret. Because how long can friendships from the future last? They were forced into companionship on the Waverider, not really having anyone else to talk to or be around.  Especially with the deal with Mick going down the way it did. They are getting better, Len knows, but they’ll still need some years without each other around. 

Losing Sara will hurt as well. Len is not stupid enough to think they will become some kind of pen pals or something. He’ll miss her, he came to appreciate her sense of humor and dry advice during their little adventure. Even though he didn’t listen to it, most of the time. Like the time with Raymond. And Len won’t admit it out loud, but he’ll miss the guy too. 

Sara’s eyes widen suddenly, and Len has the shortest of moments to think ‘Alexa’, before something warm, heavy and solid hits his back. The feeling of Alexa intensifies tenfold and Len’s suddenly scared to turn around. He does though, having learned long time ago that taking the hit even if you’re afraid is much easier than waiting for it, and his eyes widen. There is Carter with this crazy look in his eyes and Mick’s already at him, screaming and hitting more than needed probably, but that’s not what steals Len’s attention. Len’s fully focused on the _moron_  turning to face him, a _bleeding_ moron, with a _dagger_  sticking out of his stomach and so much blood pouring out that Len can feel dread clutch at his heart. 

Raymond’s swooning and in next second Len’s there, catching him and falling to his knees with Ray, who is smiling at him stupidly. 

“I think I’m a legend, right?” He asks, his eyes open just a fraction and Len shakes his head. No way, no way in hell. 

“You’re a hero, Raymond, do you hear me? Hero, not a legend. Legends die, heroes live.” He hisses in his face and Ray chuckles. Len just hopes that’s not blood about to pour out of his mouth. He’ll take any stupidity rather. 

“You and your high standards.” The guy is laughing and shivering and Len presses his hand to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding, cutting his own hand as he pulls at the dagger, but he can’t care. The darkening of his eyes is way too familiar, and Len growls. 

“Raymond, don’t you _dare_  slip into a shock!” 

Another shiver runs through the body under him and Raymond smiles. 

“I think it’s too late for that.” He mutters quietly and his eyes slip closed. For one terrifying moment, Len thinks that’s it. This is the moment when Raymond’s life slips literally from between his fingers, gushing out in the hot red river that Len’s unable to stop. Len’s own hands are trembling and the world is closing down around him, his chest heaving. He isn’t aware of much, he just knows his throat is full of the scream that’s trying to get out and there is a moment that Sara pushes him away, yelling something and then Rip’s there and Mick’s lifting Raymond up in his arms. Carter’s lying on the ground, unconscious and bound and Kendra is kneeling next to him. Len wants to snarl. He wants to yell and blame her and Carter, both of them for even being alive, for not just doing them a favor and killing Carter when she had the chance. Savage would be long dead already and Carter would just reincarnate anyway, that was what they were doing after all, not really being touched by death. 

He wants to make Carter pay, wants to make _Kendra_ pay for this, for taking Raymond away from him, for being weak, when she should’ve been strong and -

And Sara’s pulling at his arm. Only then does Len realize he’s standing above the two, his hands on the cold gun with a murderous glint in his eyes, probably. 

“Leonard, snap out of it. He’s alive, okay? We have Gideon, he’s going to be alright.” Sara’s speaking to him, her grip on his arm tightening and Len breathes out slowly. There’s fire burning inside him, rage that Len’s not used to, and he forces himself to look back. Raymond’s so pale in Mick’s arms…

But he’s alive. Sara said he’s alive and Len’s feet move before he’s aware, and soon he’s running after Mick. The painful feeling settling down in his chest has to be hope.

***

Ray is pretty sure it didn’t hurt that much when he was stabbed. He didn’t even really feel anything at the time, there was just the moment when Savage said something, Carter snapped and attacked Len with the dagger and Ray moved… 

Then the only things running through his head were 

 _Got stabbed. Len’s safe. Apply pressure. Is Len safe? Hurt him. Sorry._  

Ray also remembers his vision blurring, feeling himself faint and wavering in and out of consciousness… and just distinctly hurting when his body was jarred too much with the carrying. But he is pretty sure there was no intense, searing pain like right now, when he was lying in the medical, knowing he made it, but just barely. 

His stomach hurts, like if there is a hole or something and Ray’s fingers curl up in pain. 

“Could you get me some pain medication, Gideon?” he rasps out. 

“Not for you, no.” Len’s voice comes from his close right and Ray turns his head and forces his eyes open. 

“You know I don’t have a pain kink, Len.” He says with a small smile. 

“Not amused.” Len really doesn’t seem to be, his eyes are narrowed and Ray would wince if the pain in his stomach wouldn’t keep him preoccupied. 

“Shame. I thought it was a good joke.” One of his better at least. 

“It’s nothing against you, Dr. Palmer.” Gideon’s voice fills the room and Ray smiles at that. “Up until recently several of your internal organs had to be exchanged and regrown. What you’re feeling at the moment is them trying to accommodate and settle. Medication could intervene with that. The process is not long and you should start feeling some relief shortly.” 

Gideon is right, of course. Ray can already feel the pain drawing back and it’s a bit easier to focus on Len’s face. Len’s face that’s too pale, eyes are too tired and Ray suddenly feels horrible. 

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly, because it’s only then that Ray sees the tightly curled trembling hands. There’s still some blood on them,  _his blood_ , Ray realizes and the pain in his stomach is fully forgotten. Len had to be here from the moment Ray was stabbed. He had to sit here, next to Ray wondering what was going to happen.

“Don’t be sorry, don’t do it again.” Len growls out and even his voice is a tiny bit shaky. It’s weird seeing Len this vulnerable, this… worried. Because that is what Len is. Dead worried and terrified and Ray doesn’t know if he wants to cry or smile. 

He feels bad. He never wanted to hurt Len, to have him go through this and he was a bit selfish - because his selfishness was why he jumped in front of the dagger. He didn’t want to see another person he loves die. So he moved, and didn’t think about the consequences.

But he kind of wants to smile and grin and shout that he’s happy too. Because while Ray says the thing - the _I love you_  - on every occasion he gets, sometimes even the ones he doesn’t get, but Len’s not so free with the words. Ray doesn’t doubt (too much) that Len loves him, Len wouldn’t (probably) be with him otherwise, but seeing the man this shaken because Ray’s life was in danger… Ray really shouldn’t feel this stupidly happy about this he’s sure. 

“I’ll punch the smile off your face.”  Len threatens and Ray grins wider as he reaches out. 

“I love you.” 

“I’m not joking.” Len says, but his shoulders are starting to relax just a bit, as he steps up and comes closer, just touching one of Ray’s hands. As if trying to convince himself that he’s fine. 

“I know, I love you.” Ray says, his hand pulling at Len and the man stumbles the last few steps, and Ray’s suddenly pulled up and hugged close to Len’s chest. The embrace is warm and Ray just wants to slip his eyes closed and just… maybe hide in there forever. 

“I hate you.” The words are said against Ray’s neck and he laughs. 

“You love me.” 

Sometime ago, Ray would feel nervous saying that. He would feel terrified when Len would pull away to look at him, scared that he would deny it, scared that he’d call Ray a fool, scared that Len would mean it. 

But Len’s looking at him right now, his eyes calculating, before his mouth opens. 

“Maybe I do.” 

Ray wants to say something. He wants to beam with happiness, he wants to laugh, to _sing_. 

But his mouth’s a bit too busy, what with Len leaning over and kissing him, hard, deep and possessive and Ray feels himself being pushed back down on the bed. Len’s hand touches his stomach carefully, as if trying to make sure that the hole that was marking Ray’s body once isn’t there any more, that Ray’s okay.

Ray doesn’t even flinch. He can’t feel any pain, not with Len close like that.


	9. Soulmates kind of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m fine.” He says, then sighs when Kendra doesn’t look too convinced. “Really. I’m good now.” Which is not necessarily true. His head is hurting and his vision is still a bit blurry, but he doesn’t want to worry Kendra. She already does too much of that and it’s not like Ray can’t deal with a little headache.
> 
> “If your headache is anything like mine, the word ‘little’ doesn’t come anywhere near.” Snart scoffs from the other side of the room.
> 
> Ray sighs as Kendra calls Sara and the two gang up on the two of them, but he doesn’t fight it too much when he’s forced into bed – he really must be out of it, if he doesn’t even realize what he’s saying out loud and what he isn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask: I'm feelings angsty so coldatom must too how about they get stuck in each other's mind, ray learns how scared len really is of losing despite calm exterior since childhood and len learns how ray has no self esteem or care for himself since childhood. Each knows the other knows and so they avoid each other and the team is like ??? Stop???
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: There's character death this chapter. Be warned.

 

There is a bright flash and an explosion throwing him and Len away from the team. The next thing he knows, he’s sitting in the infirmary, back at the Waverider with a very concerned looking Kendra standing over him.

“I’m fine.” He says, then sighs when Kendra doesn’t look too convinced. “Really. I’m good now.” Which is not necessarily true. His head is hurting and his vision is  _still_  a bit blurry, but he doesn’t want to worry Kendra. She already does too much of that and it’s not like Ray can’t deal with a little headache.

“If your headache is anything like mine, the word ‘little’ doesn’t come anywhere near.” Snart scoffs from the other side of the room.

Ray sighs as Kendra calls Sara and the two gang up on the two of them, but he doesn’t fight it too much when he’s forced into bed – he really must be out of it, if he doesn’t even realize what he’s saying out loud and what he isn’t.

* * *

 

Ray’s hands are shaking. Actually, it isn’t just his hands. His whole body is trembling, his breath is catching in his throat, his chest is hurting, making it hard to breathe and there is this terrifying blinding fear sitting in the back of his mind ever since the Pilgrim showed them the faces of their loved ones on the screen. He doesn’t really understand why. Of course, the whole thing with the Pilgrim is scary and Ray’s heart hurts when he thinks of the possibility of something happening to Anna, or any of the others. Each and every one of them means something for this or that member of the team, and Ray doesn’t want anyone losing someone close to them. He already thought about talking to Rip, willing to give himself up – they couldn’t risk something happening to their Captain before he collected them, not if they really were the only chance the world had for the peaceful future, a future without Savage destroying it.

The possibility of losing his life isn’t scary to Ray. He already knows how it feels to be dead. Being forgotten by everyone is the hard part. Maybe that is what brings this freezing terror to Ray’s veins. The idea of no one remembering, of no one thinking back on him, no one knowing that Ray Palmer ever existed or who he was.

But that’s not the case, not now, when he has a team of people. Kendra would remember him. So would Sara and Jax. And perhaps Stein this time around too. Rip of course… And maybe even Rory and Len.

* * *

 

“Why not?!” Ray asks when Rip tells him no. “We need you and-“

“She wouldn’t want you.” Rip says, the words cut somewhere deep in Ray and he tries to pretend he didn’t flinch. “You don’t have the same value for her that I do. One out of all of you isn’t going to be enough. So we’re going to stick to the plan. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some details to go over with Mrs. Lance.” Rip turns and walks off, leaving Ray standing there, hands curled into fists.

“Talk about stupid.” A voice drawls and Ray looks over at Snart. He really wasn’t in mood for that.

“I don’t think it was stupid.” He says, standing up straight.

“I do.” Len says, his arms unfolding from over his chest and he steps closer, his eyes narrowing. “Nobody cares about your death wish, Raymond-“

Ray can’t really listen to this. Doesn’t he realize what situation they are in?!

“If the Pilgrim kills Rip as a child-“

“Then at this moment we will be back at our respective cities, doing what we do best without having any idea that some ‘Rip’ or Savage or Pilgrim existed.” His voice is cold, as are his eyes, but there’s something off. “I won’t lose my sister because you have the self-esteem of an abused child.”

Ray’s eyes widen and his breath gets knocked out of his chest. He doesn’t know why though – whether it’s Len’s comment or the horrible suffocating fear that comes back full force. As Ray struggles to breathe again he watches Len leave and wonders. Could it be…

No… right?

* * *

 

The fear doesn’t go away. Not until they beat Pilgrim and they have her hostages safely back on the Waverider. Not until Len is reunited with Lisa and even though the man doesn’t let it show on his face, Ray can feel the calm and warmth spreading through his chest.

He’s not stupid to not realize who those feelings belong to. At least not after it is pushed into his face like just few hours ago. He wonders if the … _link_ goes both ways. Judging by Len’s words about Ray’s self-esteem… it probably does. He swallows, takes deep breath.

And he knows he’s being selfish, but Ray still clutches on the warm feeling, tugging it close to his heart as he turns to face Anna. Anna that’s still alive, Anna that doesn’t know Ray’s going to mess up her life, that Ray’s going to watch her die and do nothing. Anna, that doesn’t know just how much Ray’s going to fail her.

* * *

 

The mind thing gets worse with time. It’s no longer just glimpses of feelings. It’s pictures and images playing out in front of Ray’s mind. It’s memories, nightmares of Len’s father, of his sister. Of his sister getting hurt. Of the scar that Lisa has on her body. Of how angry and frustrated and _scared_ Len was.

Ray shakes his head and tries to think of anything else. The next day he closes himself off with his suit, doing his best to avoid Len. How can he look that man in the eyes after he was so wrong about him? After he thought the man was cold, and only cared about what would benefit himself. Oh how wrong Ray was…

* * *

 

“So.” Sara starts, leaning her back against the wall and breathing hard after the spar with Kendra as the two share a bottle of water. “What’s up with you and Leonard?”

Ray’s hand _doesn’t_ twitch on the suit as he looks up from the helmet with a (forced) smile.

“What do you mean?” He asks, hoping against hope that Sara will let it go. She doesn’t. Instead she just rolls her eyes and sits down opposite Ray.

“What I mean is that you’re both avoiding common areas of the ship, you spend your time locked off here, and he does that in his room or mine, playing cards. And while I don’t mind that, I know that if I catch on him cheating three times in a row something is wrong.”

“Also you both look dead tired.” Kendra chips in from the corner and Ray groans. They are right of course – at least when it comes to his part – he didn’t sleep well in some time now, not being able to fall asleep and if he does, he’s awake every few minutes. But the whole situation is so crazy that he doesn’t know what to think about it.

“You won’t believe me.” He says quietly, putting his tools down and biting his lip. “I’m half convinced it’s just inside my head.”

“Some time ago I wouldn’t believe in Time Ships and Time masters.” Sara points out and Ray sighs. He can give her that point.

“Len and I… I think we’re stuck in each other’s heads.” He says quietly and when Sara lifts an eyebrow he explains everything. How he could feel the strong emotions at first, how those started to bleed into the lighter ones, and lately, how he could see whole memories. How he should talk to Len, but how sure he is that Len doesn’t want that and how the nightmares come.

“That sounds like soulmates.” Kendra says quietly.

“Soulmates aren’t real.” Sara says and shakes her head. “For you and Carter, okay, you’re reincarnated over and over again, but for anyone else? That’s just a story.”

“They aren’t supposed to be real.” Kendra agrees and glances over at Ray. “But what you’re describing sounds very similar to what it feels like… to find your soulmate and not complete the bond.”

* * *

 

Ray ends up not going to Len. He feels like he’s betraying the man in a way, not sharing this information, but he can still hardly believe it himself.

Then the whole thing with Leviathan happens… and it all flows out of his mind. It’s not until he’s back to his original size, breathing hard that he hears it.

‘The hell was that.’ Ray blinks… but nothing else happens so he pushes it to the back of his mind, and hurries after the team.

His arm’s caught and he’s pushed back against the side of the Waverider before he gets too far though, angry looking Len up in his face. Oh… so that might be the annoyed buzzing in his mind.

“I asked you what the hell that was.” The man asks, his eyes narrowed his face a mask, but Ray can feel Len’s fingers twitching lightly on his arm. He opens his mouth to ask, but Len continues. “You growing like that? _Not_ knowing if that could kill you?” The feelings in Ray’s mind shift quickly. There is still anger, there is a lot of that… but there is also a touch of fear and concern. Len is concerned about _him._ Len is worried about Ray, about something happening to Ray and Ray can’t push down the warmth spreading through his chest. It’s growing and growing and Ray can feel the answering echo under Len’s annoyed emotions and he’s not sure what it is right now, he just knows it makes him stupidly happy.

Len rolls his eyes at him, his hand lingering for a moment longer, running up and down Ray’s arm.

‘You’re an idiot.’ Len says. Only his lips don’t move and Ray’s eyes widen. ‘You really didn’t notice it getting worse?’

Ray’s mouth opens and closes and he just wants to ask _how_.

“Your mind’s projecting.” Len smirks, pulling back, leaving Ray standing there, confused.

* * *

 

Ray can see Len’s eyebrow twitching as he plays cards with Sara. He knows he should stop, but Ray is a scientist. Len just provided him with information and, as a right scientist; Ray has to do research.

‘Raymond, if you don’t stop it right this second…’ Len threatens through their newly acquired mind link and Ray snickers, giving up on his observations as he goes to the kitchen. Somehow, things are better. Maybe it’s the fact that they have Savage locked away. Maybe it’s the fact that they just need to get him to the Time Masters, and then they could go back and – as Len said before, do what they did best.

Ray and Len don’t talk about the soulmate thing. But they talk, much to the happiness of the team and somehow, Ray feels happier than he did for a long time. He’s humming under his breath, preparing coffee – Len and Sara will want some too when they are done, when he’s suddenly spun around and lips are pressed against his own.

The kiss is hard and possessive, teeth catching at Ray’s lip, fingers clutching at the back of his head, pulling lightly on his hair, holding him hostage and on Len’s mercy.

When the other man finally pulls just an inch away to give Ray space to breathe, there is the familiar smirk on his face.

“I warned you.” The words are hot on Ray’s panting lips. “I told you to stop singing.”

“What?” Ray gasps, and Len rolls his eyes, before pressing his forehead against Ray’s and closing his eyes.

Ray’s mind is suddenly filled with images. With him, calling Len and Mick criminals. With him messing up the alarm system. With him under the cage with Len. With him smiling slightly offering the unspoken apology. With him lying beaten in the Gulag. With him hurt, but smiling at Mick, with him depressed over the loss of his not even existing child, with him grinning as Captain of the Waverider, with him risking his life to save Sara and Len, with him returning after being stranded, with him, with him, with _him._

 Each one of those carries an emotion too – hate, annoyance, disgust… but also amusement, hope, jealousy, anger, fear… and the overwhelming warmth. One that Ray felt before – when Len had his sister back over and safe on the Waverider.

Ray’s eyes snap open and he stares at Len.

‘Took you long enough.’ Len thinks and presses another kiss to Ray’s lips. It’s not until later, Ray’s world still spinning that he takes a deep breath.

‘How long?”

‘A life time now.’

 

* * *

 

‘There are no strings on me.’ He can hear Len loud and clear as if he’s standing right next to him.

“No.” Ray’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, trying to get from under Mick. “No, no, no, no, no! Len!” He knows he must look like a crazy person, with the wide eyes and reaching out for someone who’s not really there, but he couldn’t care less. If Len’s really doing what Ray thinks he is, someone needs to stop him. Someone needs to tell him that he can’t do that, that it was supposed to be  _Ray_ , that was supposed to be  _Ray_ ’s fate, not  _Len’s_  and what the hell is he doing, he’s much more important to the team, he’s more important to Ray and  _Ray’s_ supposed to be the one there, Rip saw that and-

 

‘I’ll be damned if there’ll be any on you, Raymond.’ There is the undertone of  _important, important, important_ ,  _can’t lose you_ , **_won’t_** _lose you,_ and then… nothing. Raymond’s mind is, once again, just his own.

He can’t stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes, his hand clutching at Mick's arm.


	10. Fix it to Chapter 9 Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s not the quiet that’s the worst.” Ray tells Kendra and Sara one day, his fingers twitching on the mug. Every word, every thought hurts. Every memory, every feeling… it’s like part of him is dead. Ray almost chuckles. That shouldn’t even be funny.
> 
> “It’s the heavy feeling at the back of my mind.” He admits and takes another deep breath. He pretends it doesn’t hurt in his chest, pretends it doesn’t feel like it’s the last one. “Like he’ll start talking to me any minute. Like if I just hold my breath long enough, he’ll be there, telling me I’m an idiot. I can almost see him standing in front of my eyes when I close them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask: Okay okay okay I need a part two of the soulmate prompt with the mind sharing cause len can't be dead (still in denial) So pleaseeee write it... :(

“It’s not the quiet that’s the worst.” Ray tells Kendra and Sara one day, his fingers twitching on the mug. Every word, every thought hurts. Every memory, every feeling… it’s like part of him is dead. Ray almost chuckles. Ha, that shouldn’t even be funny.

“It’s the heavy feeling at the back of my mind.” He admits and takes another deep breath. He pretends it doesn’t hurt in his chest, pretends it doesn’t feel like it’s the last one. “Like he’ll start talking to me any minute. Like if I just hold my breath long enough, he’ll be there, telling me I’m an idiot. I can almost see him standing in front of my eyes when I close them.” There’s the echo of Len’s voice as well, not forming any words, just the feeling of it and Ray shakes his head, standing up.

“Sorry, I…” he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to do either, he just can’t sit there anymore talking about it. He can’t even think about it, or he is sure his heart will break, explode with the sadness that’s filling it and he can’t just sit around, letting his thoughts run wild. He needs to do something, needs to make sure his mind is too busy and it’s freeing when Sara waves her hand at him.

“Go. It’s fine.”

Ray’s body is fluttering with the energy and he nods thankfully to her, before turning and fleeing. He doesn’t notice the look Kendra shoots Sara.

“What?”

“That’s… not how I felt when I lost Carter. Your mind feels alone. Like there’s a void that you just can’t fill no matter what happens and it drives you so crazy that you want to kill yourself, because you can’t live with that. With knowing there was supposed to be something there, but it’s just empty.” She says quietly and Sara frowns.

“You said the bond was incomplete. Maybe that’s why?”

“Maybe.” Kendra nods, before sending Ray’s retreating form one last doubtful glance.

* * *

 

It’s days. Maybe weeks. Ray doesn’t know. In the meantime they manage to get to Savage and not even having him dead seems to calm Ray’s mind. The world is finally, finally safe, and it’s quiet. It’s quiet, it doesn’t stop, the Earth still spinning slowly as if there’s nothing wrong. As if nothing happened, at least nothing of importance. As if Ray’s heart isn’t bleeding anytime he looks around and sees the cards on his table. Or the ring that Mick gave him, the one that Len kept carrying around. Or the way Ray can  _almost hear_  Len calling his name. Raymond….  Ray’s eyes slip closed as he rests his head on the work bench.

 

 _Raymond_.

 

The snap back open in next second and he sits up, looking frantically around. He could  _swear_  he heard that one. He could swear that one was real and Ray’s heart feels stuck in his throat as he swallows.

 

“Len?” He knows it’s foolish. He knows Len can’t be there, Len can’t be around, he was there when Len  _died_  and he’s just hearing voices, which means that his mind’s finally, _finally_ done probably. He read about that phenomenon after his talk with Kendra about soulmates. There aren’t that many records, but those studies that are there talk about people tending to go crazy when their soulmates dies, sometimes even taking their own lives because they can’t take the pain anymore. Maybe that’s finally happening to him. Maybe his mind is snapping. Maybe he’ll end up like his Uncle Andy talking to empty chair every day, putting food on the table in front of it and taking pictures with it. Maybe the craziness ran in their family and –

 

_Raymond, stop that._

 

“Len.” That has to be Len, because Ray would know that snort anywhere and Ray’s hand is shaking as he presses it to his mouth. His whole body is shaking and Ray’s mouth opens and closes and his mind’s swirling with questions, ones that he can’t voice, but it seems that Len still understands some of those, because he groans. But there’s the feeling of warmth, the sense of  _please calm down_  along the annoyance.

The mix of emotions is so familiar, that Ray can’t help but laugh even as his eyes are burning with sudden, unshed tears.

“ **How?** ” He asks, because he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand a thing and-

  _I don’t know. It was quiet and suddenly I just… felt you._

“Where are you?” He asks, already standing and walking to the door. He has to tell the rest. He has to tell them and then they can go, get Len back and return to 2016 and-

There is sense of sadness though, one that makes Ray stop his train of thought and focus on that.

“Len?”

_I’m not… I’m just **here**. I don’t think I’m anywhere else._

Ray’s hand freezes on the panel next to the door at that.

“What do you mean you’re  **just here**.”

  _That... I’m just in your head._

 

* * *

 

 _You shouldn’t **do**  this, Raymond. _Len’s voice is annoyed in Ray’s mind and Ray frowns.

 “I think they should know.” He says, glancing to the side and ignores the weird looks his crew’s shooting him. It’s not like they have a reason not to do that, after all. “If this  **is**  happening, they should know.” What  **that** is, Ray’s not sure. But he doesn’t feel right keeping this, whatever that is supposed to be, from the team.

“What… are you talking about, Dr. Palmer?” Stein asks, taking just a small step closer to Ray, his eyes trained on him and Ray takes a deep breath.

_They’re going to think you’re **crazy**._

“I can hear Len’s voice.” Ray says, taking deep breaths. The lot is staring at him as if Ray’s gone crazy, and Ray can’t really blame them. “He’s talking to me. Right now. He’s talking to me, I can hear him, and it’s not just broken bond.”

They are quiet. For a heartbeat, then another one and then Jax shakes his head.

“Ray, we all know it’s hard for you, and we’re here if you need us, man, okay? But Snart’s dead.” For some reason, that feels like betrayal, like Jax went and thrust a dagger in Ray’s back and Ray shakes his head. Len’s quiet in his mind too, backing off for the time being and Ray frowns.

“You don’t understand, he’s-“

“Haircut.” It’s Mick interrupting him this time and Ray turns to him. “Trust me, we both wish for Snart to be here. But he’s not. He’s gone. We can’t get him back.”

It feels like Ray’s heart’s shattered for the second time in just a fraction of seconds. The Time Masters took Len from him, and now he’s there but he’s being taken from him again and Ray’s chest’s hurting and he can’t breathe.

 _Tell him you know how he got his burns. Tell him it wasn’t when his house burnt._ Len’s voice is quiet in Ray’s mind and Ray blinks, hesitating.  _Just do it, Raymond._ Len was getting impatient and Ray fought the urge to roll his eyes. Instead he lifted his head, looking at Mick.

“He wants to me to tell you that you didn’t get your burns when your house burnt down.”

_Tell him it was on the first of our heists. That I didn’t think of all the factors and he returned for me, getting me out. That it was my fault. That I shouldn’t have wanted that damned ring._

That’s new. Ray never heard about that before and Len snorts in his head, a silent promise of talking about that later. It’s good enough, though and Ray opens his mouth once again.

“That he miscalculated on your first heist. He says you saved his life.” He catches Mick’s gaze now, his eyes wide and focused, his sole attention on Ray and his words. Ray lifts his hand, the ring still sitting on his finger.

“He says he wanted this ring and that’s why.”

“He told you about this before.” Mick says and Ray quickly shakes his head.

“He didn’t. If you want to ask him something then ask. But he didn’t tell me about the burns.” Ray says, a flicker of hope starting in his chest. If this is all true, if this is something that Mick knows also then he’s not going crazy. Then Len  **really**  is there and Ray’s head spins with the rush. He can’t know this on his own. Not unless Len told him at some point and Ray remembers this unconsciously and-

  _I didn’t tell you. It’s not something Mick would want me to tell._

“What was his mother’s name.” Mick asks, his eyes narrowed and Ray blinks. That’s another thing he never asked Len. It feels like he doesn’t know that much about him after all and –

 _We were on a hunt, Raymond, we didn’t have the time to chat._  There is also the  _I’ll tell you everything you want, later_  message under his words.

  _Her name was Laura. Died giving birth to my brother. He went with her._

“Laura.” Ray says quietly, looking down. “She died giving birth. The child didn’t make it either.” He’s not sure if the sadness he feels is his own or Len’s, but he doesn’t care. The image of a woman’s kind smile is in his mind is too bright. The image of her round belly and of what’s probably a tiny Lisa grinning and pressing her ear against the bulge giggling. The happy image turns into the woman lying on the bed suddenly, breathing hard and clutching at her stomach and screaming.

“That’s not possible.” Ray’s mind is pulled back to the moment at the sound of Mick’s voice and he opens his mouth to say something, but Kendra beats him to it.

“Actually it is.” She says quietly, stepping forward. “There is a story about Osiris and Isis, Egyptian gods and first soulmates. Osiris, is murdered by his brother Set. His wife, Isis, had a child with his spirit. She brings Osiris back to life and when Set finds out, he kills him again, dividing his body into fourteen pieces. Isis manages to collect them in twelve days and brings him back to life again.” She says and looks at Ray. “If Len’s with you in spirit… he might just need you to collect his body.”

“Just… Just wait for a moment.” Stein steps in, looking around on the team. “We’re talking about  _myths_. Ancient Egypt. There’s nothing pointing towards the theory being right.”

“We can’t just not try.” Sara says and Mick frowns.

“Snart doesn’t go just talking about his mother. Nor my scars.”

“And  _even if_  Mr. Snart’s still alive and divided into-“ Stein turns back to Kendra motioning with his hand “fourteen was it? Fourteen pieces where are we going to start looking for them? What place, what  _time line_ -“

“The Vanishing Point.” Rip says, finally joining the conversation. “If Mr. Snart is still alive, that’s where he’ll be.” He adds, glancing at Ray for just a moment. “Gideon, set the course. To the Vanishing Point.”

* * *

 

“You’re awfully quiet.” Ray mutters as he goes over his suit. It’s not only something to do with his hands while they wait, but Gideon also informed them that if Len’s okay there, something similar might’ve happened with the Time Masters. Rip seemed to disagree, but it’s still better if they are prepared.

_You talk enough for the both of us._

Ray rolls his eyes.

“Len.”

_Gideon said it’s not safe. Maybe you shouldn’t do it then._

 “Nothing’s going to happen to me.” Ray says, starting to pull the suit on.

 _And if it is?_ The words are grumbled, unhappy and Ray refuses to say a word. He doesn’t have to, if the growl in his mind is anything to go by, because Len knows anyway.

  _I’m not allowing you to get hurt because of me._

“Funny.” Ray says, his eyes narrowing at the wall opposite him, “I don’t remember you asking for permission either.” 

 Len doesn’t have anything to say back to that.

* * *

 

They are still patrolling these parts even though there are no remaining Time Masters here. The place is triggered though and when they get off the ship, they can expect a cavalry that won’t be too far away. That’s what Gideon tells them, right before they land on the ground.  Rip adds that if they aren’t here yet, the Time Master themselves probably don’t know what happened here.

It would appear that the explosion of Oculus didn’t destroy the place as they all thought. The buildings are all still standing, only the place is ghostly quiet. They don’t talk as they make their way through the Vanishing point and to the Oculus chamber and Ray’s breath gets caught in his chest when he sees him.

Len’s lying on the ground, further from the bridge and before he knows it, he’s running over, falling to his knees on the ground and lifting the man to his arms.

“Alright, grab Len and let’s go before they actually get here.” Sara mutters, looking around. Ray nods, and crouches down. Len’s body is already halfway in his lap when Rip frowns stepping forward.

“Wait.” He bends down, his hand over Len’s mouth and he frowns. “We can’t take him.”

“That’s what we came here for, Hunter.” Mick snarls, taking just a tiny step closer and Rip growls, turning to Mick.

“I know! But we can’t take him – he’s not breathing.” Sara blinks, lifting an eyebrow.

“He talks to Ray.”

Rip groans. “His body’s not breathing. If we take it out of the Vanishing point, it’ll truly become dead. It’ll start decaying. It’s this place that’s keeping him ‘alive’. In his state. It’s what allowed him to contact you. His body was here neither dead nor alive and it gave his mind time to… wake again. But his body… his mind, everything is gone if he leaves like this.” He turns to Ray. “We can’t take him.”

The excited buzzing in his mind stops abruptly and the deep sadness in his chest is not just his own. He knows what Len’s going to say even without hearing it.  

“No.” Ray shakes his head, pulling Len’s body closer. They both need to hear it. Len _and_ Rip. “I’m not going anywhere not without Len. You said it yourself – no one was probably aware of Len being like this. We triggered the alarm when we landed here.  If they come here and take him, then he’ll die and the mind link,  **everything** will be-“

_Raymond, leave. What good is it if we **both**  die?!_

“I’m not going to leave you. Not again.”

_Raymond-_

“No!” Ray can’t do it. Not again, not when he felt the ray of hope inside his chest. Not when he there was the possibility of being with Len again, just inches away. Not when he could already feel it.

_… I love you, Ray. I can’t feel you die. **Please** , go. _

It’s spoken quietly and Ray can feel his whole world coming down on him once more. He presses his forehead against Len’s. The tears slip down his cheeks onto Len’s face and when he opens his eyes it looks like Len’s crying too. He’s quiet in Ray’s mind, but Ray can feel all the emotions he’s trying to push Ray’s way and he shakes his head.

“Don’t ask this. Don’t do this to me.” He whispers. “Not again.” His gaze slips down to Len’s lips and Ray bends down before he really thinks what he’s doing. His lips touch Len’s and Ray hopes. The man is not cold. He’s warm, as if life is still burning inside his body, as if his heart is still beating inside his chest. He pulls back and holds his breath.

Nothing happens. Len doesn’t move, doesn’t even twitch and Ray let’s his tears fall freely, because there it was, happiness just a touch away and crumpled. It is more than obvious now that Ray and Len, they aren’t like Isis and Osiris at all, soulmates or not, there’s not a happy ending for the two of them. His hand tightens on Len as he frowns. If they can’t be like those, maybe they are supposed to be more of Shakespearean soulmates, because he’s not leaving Len alone. No matter what.

He turns his head about to tell the rest of the team to go and leave, to even take his suit, when he’s grabbed, his hand turned and then suddenly he’s pulled down and kissed within the inch of his life.

_You should really learn to listen to your elders, Raymond._

Ray’s eyes widened and he pulls back, looking down. Len’s looking at him, his eyes opened, and trained on Ray and he opens his mouth.

“Len?” He asks in trembling voice, because how could this be? His life wasn’t a fairy tale, not when he was a child and not in Star City, not when he lost Anna, not when he was captured by the HIVE, not when the Carter died because of him, not when Len died….

“Not your fault, Raymond.” Len’s voice is coming from both, his mind and Len himself and finally, finally Ray allows himself to smile.

“Len… I see dead people.” He whispers.

Len rolls his eyes and pulls him closer, kissing him again. Ray can’t help himself and laughs into the kiss when he feels the annoyance lined with affection and so much love  _blasting_  off of Len’s mind.

Maybe Ray’s life can be a soulmate fairy tale after all. He can’t get rid of the grin on his face as he helps Len get up and they are both jumped by Kendra and Sara in tight hug. Mick reaches over, patting Len’s back and Jax’s hanging around with Stein obviously unsure what to do, but still grinning.

Rip’s the only one muttering about hurrying back to the ship, about Time Masters and dangers, but Ray can’t seem to care. Not even the Time Masters – or what’s remaining of them – can stand between him and Len.

 


	11. HP AU (Protective Len)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray can feel his heart beating in his chest like crazy when he’s standing in front of what he guesses is the Great Hall. His fingers itch to reach out, to touch, to run over the door and to remember every shape they can find, Ray’s mind is feeling like it doesn’t have enough oxygen even though he’s breathing quickly and his hands are shaking just a little. After all this time he finally gets to be at Hogwarts.
> 
> It’s a dream coming true.
> 
> He hears the door open and his name being called out and Ray lifts his head high, his cane jumping in front of him as he walks through rows of people. He knows everything there is about Hogwarts, read the History of Hogwarts at least hundred times and he knows exactly how the tables are positioned.
> 
> His cane hits the stairs, then the chair and Ray reaches out to touch it, before slowly sitting down. He can feel all the looks pointed his way, can almost taste the curiosity as well. He doesn’t blame the kids, Ray’s pretty sure not many people come to Hogwarts for their last two years of school and he’s not sure if there was a wizard at Hogwarts with his condition ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask: Protective/possessive Len!

Ray can feel his heart beating in his chest like crazy when he’s standing in front of what he guesses is the Great Hall. His fingers itch to reach out, to touch, to run over the door and to remember every shape they can find, Ray’s mind is feeling like it doesn’t have enough oxygen even though he’s breathing quickly and his hands are shaking just a little. After all this time he finally gets to be at Hogwarts.

It’s a dream coming true.

He hears the door open and his name being called out and Ray lifts his head high, his cane jumping in front of him as he walks through rows of people. He knows everything there is about Hogwarts, read the History of Hogwarts at least hundred times and he knows exactly how the tables are positioned.

His cane hits the stairs, then the chair and Ray reaches out to touch it, before slowly sitting down. He can feel all the looks pointed his way, can almost taste the curiosity as well. He doesn’t blame the kids, Ray’s pretty sure not many people come to Hogwarts for their last two years of school and he’s not sure if there was a wizard at Hogwarts with his condition ever before.

The Hat is put down on his head and Ray holds his breath – he’s pretty sure every new student fears that the hat will realize they are not good enough for Hogwarts, that they coming in there is a mistake. Ray fears that even more.

_Hmm… interesting. You coming here is a sign of bravery. Gryffindors would welcome that in their House. You’re smart, Ravenclaws could help you get even further…_

The voice sounds in Ray’s head and he tries not to jump. He can’t hide the excitement though and the Hat chuckles.

_But maybe you don’t need any help. This trait of yours would do well in Hufflepuff. You’d do a lot for your friends, I can see that now._

The Hat humms and Ray can feel it moving on his head from side to side, wondering.

 _I usually don’t sort people of your age,_  Ray feels a pang of guilt at that,  _no, that’s not your fault. After all, I am a Gryffindor’s Hat, I do enjoy the challenge. But I have enough of Rowena in me to not want to make any mistake with you… so show me what your deepest desires are. What your biggest fears are…_

The voice is quiet and Ray blinks. What his fears and desires are? What exactly did the hat want to know?

_Oh, I see now. You want to be recognized. Want the world to remember you. Want to make a difference. Well… I believe that the House that you would fare the best in is…_

 

_“SLYTHERIN!”_

 

The hall is quiet. Ray can swear the only thing he can actually hear is his own breath, before several claps come from the direction of professor’s table. The Hat is pulled off Ray’s head and the Professor Stein helps Ray up and turns him towards his own table. Ray’s hesitant as he walks down the few stairs.

 

It would appear that is when his own table wakes up, because the claps start up again, one joined soon by the others and Ray allows himself to smile. Maybe Hogwarts will be everything he wished for.

* * *

 

 

Maybe not.

 

When the letter from his mother comes, asking about how Ray’s doing and how he likes the school he tells her how excited he’s about the Greenhouses. He tells her that the classes are very different but also very interesting, that there are more students than he thought. He also tells her how the lake and Whomping Willow sound and how he can’t wait to go visit the Hogsmeade.

 

He doesn’t write to her about the struggles.  Doesn’t tell her that classes are hard and even though Ray might have a wand, he’s not really used to actually needing it around for spells- something that not all of Hogwarts’ professors are willing to accept. His fellow Slytherins, while they don’t mess with him, don’t really spend that much time around Ray. They don’t talk to him much and Hogwarts is starting to feel lonelier than being homeschooled did.

 

The self-writing Quill stops on the parchment next to him, Ray’s fingers playing with the corner of the parchment as he’s trying to think of what to say next. He doesn’t want to lie, but he knows that his mom’s going to ask about other students sooner or later. He already worries about that a tiny bit.

  
He can’t tell her he didn’t make a single friend.

 

Not from his House, not from other Houses. While Ray might walk the halls with a smile on his face, the books, spelled specifically for him in his arms, he’s not deaf. He hears the whispers of how a blind kid doesn’t belong to Hogwarts. That he is supposed to just give up magic altogether.

 

His hand tightens on the parchment and it tears under his fingers and Ray blinks the wetness from his eyes away.

 

“Damn.” He mutters, putting the parchment down and trying to feel exactly where it is torn and just how much. He doesn’t really remember half of the things he has written already. Repeating it would be a bit difficult and he didn’t want to bother anyone else with reading it to him again if he didn’t have to.

 

“Reparo.”  Voice next to him mutters, Ray can feels the tell-tale brush of magic under his finger tips as the parchment pulls together on itself.  The tear is gone in next moment and Ray swallows and lifts his head up a bit.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” The voice continues and Ray leans his head to the side, trying to connect it with a name. “It’ll be dark soon and the Giant Squid doesn’t like having students around after the night falls.”

 

“Oh…sorry, I…” Ray shakes his head as he collects his things and stands up. “It didn’t mind me last few nights.”

 

“Pure luck.” The guys says and Ray winces.

 

“Right…” He mutters. He’s quiet for a moment, until he hears the guy turn around and start walking towards the castle. “Wait! I just… thank you, uh…”

 

The steps stop and Ray can almost imagine the guy turning to him.

 

“Len. Leonard Snart.”

 

Oh. The Ravenclaw Prefect. Ray heard bits about him, mostly because his sister – Lisa – usually sits at the Slytherin table. Even though she is in Hufflepuff. Ray believes it has something to do with Sara Lance, who is one of the few people that don’t mind sitting near Ray. The two talk about Len every now and then and Ray can’t help but hear.

 

“See you in class, Raymond.” The guy adds and he’s walking again, and Ray’s fingers tighten on the parchment for a moment.

 

* * *

 

Ray’s eating at the Slytherin table, when someone sits down next to him.

 

“Snart said you might need an owl.” The voice of Mick Rory says and Ray blinks. “You’re free to use mine. It’s the mean looking one.”

 

“Uh… I won’t be able to say which one that is.” Ray mutters, motioning towards his eyes, his mind blown. Is… someone from his House talking to him? Other than just informing him about his class?

 

“Just call ‘Pyro’ then.”

 

Ray’s pretty sure that _that_ would be more helpful, because he doubted there is anyone else at Hogwarts (or anywhere else in the wizarding world) who’d name their owl ‘Pyro’. The sentiment might not be welcome though, so he doesn’t say anything. He blinks again when Rory pushes a plate towards him in next moment.

 

“These are the best cupcakes in world. You should try them.”

 

Ray’s mouth slip open in shock and then he swiftly pushes one of the cupcakes into his mouth when Rory growls. They really _are_ good.

 

“Good.” Rory says, then pats Ray’s back and leaves.

 

For some reason Rory sits with him again on dinner and then the next morning, and the next, and _the next…_

… and just like that, Ray makes a friend.

* * *

 

It doesn’t stop there.

 

Somehow, any time Ray’s sitting near the lake, Len knows and comes find him, telling him to get back to the castle for dinner. He sits down with Ray and Mick and Ray finds out that those two were friends long before they even knew Hogwarts existed.

 

Len starts getting paired up with him during the Potions and Transfiguration and then one day Sara sits down at the Slytherin table next to them, talking to Ray as if they are friends since forever. It doesn’t take long for Lisa to join them.

 

Suddenly Ray has all these people around him and he couldn’t be happier. But nothing in his life can be just good.

 

It’s on the Charms that Ray’s spell misfires. Ray can only hear a yelp, then loud keening and then professor Stein asks the class to stay seated while he takes Jax to the Hospital Wing. Ray can feel something heavy in his stomach as he catches someone’s arm.

 

“What – what happened?” He asks.

 

“ _You_ did.” Someone hisses and Ray’s pushed back, stumbling on his feet as his hands are trying to grasp at something that would help him regain his balance. “You hit Jax with that spell.”

 

… oh god.

 

“How bad was it? Is he going to be alright?”

 

“Not with _you_ around, he won’t.” Another voice came, Ray’s pretty sure he can hear the Russian accent there and he swallows. “You’re a danger, Palmer. Not only to yourself but the rest of us as well. Your magic should be bound to a wand and broken. You shouldn’t even _be_ one of us. A blind wizard, who ever heard of something like _that_.” The words are hissed and they cut something deep inside of Ray. Maybe they are right. Maybe –

 

“Merlin. Cassandra Vablatsky. Burdock Muldoon. Bowman Wright. Shall I go on?” Len’s suddenly there, standing next to Ray, his hand warm on Ray’s arm.

 

“What do you want, Snart?”

 

“Those are the names of famous wizards and witches that were _blind_ , Declan.” Len’s voice is cold, colder than ice and Ray has never heard him like that before. “The ones that actually know something about them and don’t think only the things written on the Chocolate Frog cards are all complete truth information are aware of that fact.”

 

“So you found four blind successful wizards in history, big deal, Snart.” Ray can hear Declan stepping closer, “but none of them were useless with wand like Palmer here.”

 

“Not surprising you’re wrong _again_ , Declan. Blind wizards usually struggle with wands. Since they can’t _see_. But they are especially good with non-verbal skills. Even you should know that’s some advanced magic, Declan.”

 

“Whatever. That’s not going to help him at Hogwarts. We’re pro-wand orientated. If he wanted to play around with non-verbal, he should’ve went to the fairy school.”

 

“Might not help him at Hogwarts, but it will sure as hell help him kick _your_ ass.” That’s Sara, coming to Ray’s defense as well, and Ray turns his head towards her. He didn’t expect that. Didn’t expect Sara to come growling and fighting for Ray, didn’t expect Len to defend him either. But here they are, standing in front of him, shielding him from Declan and his words like the strongest Protego in the world, and something inside Ray’s chest hurts. It doesn’t feel bad though, it feels good, almost so good that it brings tears to his eyes and it takes him a while to concentrate on the conversation again.

 

When he does, Declan is gone and Sara’s touching Ray’s arms as well.

 

“He’s right in a way, you know. Non-verbal magic or not, Ray will need to use his wand during his NEWTs. Some of the professors are ancient minded like that.”

 

Ray can feel his stomach dropping at that, and he hangs his head. Len frowns and squeezes Ray’s arm once more before he pulling back.

 

“We’ll figure something out.” That is how Ray ends up in the Room of Requirement with Len, three times a week.

* * *

 

Jax’s alright. Lisa swears he doesn’t even blame Ray, but Ray still can’t bring himself to talk to him.

 

“I know I should apologize,” he says quietly, “… it’s just that words don’t feel like they are quite enough.”

 

Lisa squeezes his hand over the table and Mick’s hand slips into his hair.

 

“You’ll figure it out, Haircut. You're smart.” Ray sighs and nods and smiles a little, before leaning to the warm hand that Mick doesn’t withdraw just yet.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re getting better.” Len mutters, first words since they stepped into the Room, when Ray manages to hit the spell for the third time in a row. They figured out the small trick with Len, the last lesson. A mix of non-verbal and verbal spells, the first part helping to guide the spells towards the target while the second actually helps the spell manifest.

 

Still, the compliments from Len are few and far between and Ray can’t help but feel the warmth spread in his chest at Len’s words.

 

“Might be the last lesson you need.” Len adds and Ray’s hand freezes in the air.

 

“I still need help with some of the wand movements.” Ray says. There’s a dull pain inside him when he thinks about this lesson being the last one. About not meeting Len again like this. “I can’t see the spells and you guiding my hand helps.”

 

Len’s quiet for a moment and then he steps closer to Ray, touching Ray’s hand with his wand, lifting it up like so many times ago.

 

“I have a condition.” He says and his hand tightens on Ray’s wrist. Len’s voice’s quiet, serious and for some reason the touch feels different than usual. It’s almost burning Ray’s skin and he licks his bottom lip.

 

“What condition?”

 

“I’m a selfish man, Raymond. So don’t fall in love with Mick.” Len’s hand brushes up Ray’s arm, over his neck and cups the side of his face. Ray frowns and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Len continues. “I’ve seen you this morning. But don’t fall for him. Fall for me instead.”

 

Ray can feel Len’s breath on his face before he feels the warmth of his lips when Len kisses him. His heart skips a beat in his chest and Ray’s reminded on the rush of feelings when his wand picked him, when his magic finally manifested. Only the kiss he shares with Len’s so much better than all of that put together.

 

There is still something he needs to explain first and he pulls back, only to have Len’s mouth chase his for another kiss.

 

“Wait, Len, _wait._ ” He huffs, pushing at Len’s chest. The man does and Ray’s pretty sure he doesn’t need to see to know that Len’s sporting the half broken, half annoyed expression on his face. His hand’s trembling on Ray’s cheek though, the thumb brushing up and down light and Len’s obviously scared of the next words that might leave Ray’s lips. Ray sighs, before lifting his hand and touching Len’s own.

 

“I’m not in love with Mick. I never was.”

 

The hand on Ray’s cheek stills and everything’s quiet for a moment. Then Len growls, before resting his forehead against Ray’s.

 

“I’m going to kill Sara and my sister.” He promises and Ray’s tempted to ask why. And then suddenly everything’s clear. The hushed conversation that those three had during lunch, Len’s quiet treatment of Mick and his behavior during this lesson.

 

Ray can’t help himself.

 

“They set you up.” He says, snickering, because this is the best thing he heard in a long time. He’s still too busy laughing, actually bend over while Len’s busy pouting – if the quiet is anything to go by – when fingers touch his chin and pull his head towards Len.

 

“In that case, I’m going to kiss you now.” The man says, and Ray has barely the time to catch his breath before Len’s lips are on his own, moving slowly, coating Ray to kiss back.

 

…maybe Hogwarts is more than he dreamed of, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me at coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com 
> 
> You can find few more Coldatom stories sitting there :D


	12. Coldatom snuggling by fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ask: psst *Ray and Len snuggling by the fire during the winter no witty banter or rambling just contentment*

Ray’s sitting on the couch, his legs up and book propped up on his knees, reading. He’s already cuddled in a blanket or three and shivering. Len is still sleeping and Ray doesn’t want him waking up by moving around the place trying to get it heated up. The blankets will have to do for now, it’s not like Ray really minds the temperature that much. At least that what he keeps telling himself. It might have something to do with the fact that Len prefers to sleep in colder room rather than a warm one. Which is funny, because all this time Ray thought the guy liked warmth, thus the parka he seemed to be so fond of, but only living with Len revealed that it isn’t like that at all. Len just has a flare for dramatics and was under the impression that the parka went really well with the Cold gun. Ray doesn’t admit to laughing at that when he heard.

The fact is though, that Len doesn’t _get_ cold. Not unless he gets stuck in damaged hull of a space/time ship.  

Ray doesn’t even realize how lost he is in memories until a cup’s pressed on top of his head and his hand flies up to catch it, fingers brushing against Len’s as Ray smiles.

“Thank you.” He whispers because it feels that anything louder would disturb the moment. He lets the book slip down between his tights and stomach so he doesn’t lose the page and he curls his cold hands around the hot cup. He can feel Len’s hand slide down his hair and back – a silent acknowledgment of Ray’s words, before the guy moves towards the fireplace. Ray watches his movements, fluid and efficient, fully focused on starting the fire. It jumps to life in what seems like seconds, as if Len took a bit of Mick’s Heat gun or maybe acquired some kind of magic. Ray wouldn’t put that above Len – he’s still in awe of how much he knows about Len, and is still aware that there are at least that many secrets still hidden underneath. He doesn’t try to dig though, pretty sure in the knowledge that Len will tell him in his own time.

He lifts the cup to his lips and takes a small sip. He knows it’s hot chocolate before the liquid even hits his taste buds and he can’t help but smile behind the rim of the cup. Len usually complains about Ray tasting like coffee early in the mornings and picked up the habit of preparing the first drink of Ray’s day before Ray even gets to the kitchen to get the chance of Ray drinking coffee to minimum.

Once done and content with the fire, Len sits down on the couch impossibly close to Ray, the heat of his body seeping through the blankets into Ray’s side, throwing an arm around Ray’s shoulders, pulling him even closer. Len takes the cup from Ray’s hands, taking a gulp himself – getting some of those mini marshmallows that Ray made sure not to touch. He knows how much the man loves them.

They share their drink in silence, only disturbed by the cracking of the wood that the fire consumes.

When the last drop of chocolate is gone, Len puts the cup on the table and leans forward, pressing his lips against Ray’s in slow, lazy, warm, closed-mouthed kiss, his hand slipping down to Ray’s that’s keeping his book opened, lacing his fingers with his own.

When Len pulls back, Ray smiles.

“I love you.”

Len presses his forehead against Ray’s shoulder and squeezes his hand, and that right there is all that Ray needs in his life. Fortunately, it’s all that he wants as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me at Coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com :)


	13. Body-swap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine your otp: Suddenly they have swapped bodies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is JUST headcanon-y. Not too fic-y. TW: Past abuse.

 

It happens when they are time jumping yet again. A lot of weird things happen when people time jump and Rip’s making sure not to mention all of them. Just the ones he thinks won’t freak the team out (like he didn’t mention the talking thing to Len before, because the guy worked with his tongue, with his carefully calculated words, manipulated moments to get what he wants from people - or to force their attention to certain things), so he really doesn’t mention the possibility of body swap. So when it happens no one’s really prepared for it. 

“Little warning next time, Captain.” Len drawls and everyone’s eyes snap to him. For a moment he doesn’t get  _why_  - it’s not like he’s not challenging Hunter every bit on the way - but then his eyes fall on his own body, sees his own lips open in shock, his own eyes wide and open as they haven’t been in  _decades_. 

Len sees the smile pull at his own lips - smile, not a smirk, not a sneer - and he watches as his own mouth opens. 

“Cool.” Len’s voice says, breathless and when  _this_ body’s eyes narrow, Len’s body jumps and he swallows. “I mean, awful.” 

Len turns Ray’s body (of course it had to be Raymond’s body, out of all people here. Len’s starting to think there  _is_  a God. One with stupid sense of humor like Raymond’s). 

“Several hours at most.” Rip falls over himself to explain before Len can open his (Raymond’s) mouth. He looks scared a bit, and for a moment he’s tempted to look into the mirror to see how does a murderous expression look on Raymond’s face. Probably as unnatural as the hesitant smile looks at Len’s. 

Len is anything if not patient though. He can do few hours. 

* * *

 

Only maybe he can’t. Len finds out what a body memory is, as it seems that Raymond’s body remembers all the stupid things Len hates about the man. Raymond’s body doesn’t seem to be able to stay still for too long and his leg starts jumping in a stupid rhythm as Len sits in Sara’s room playing cards. 

Len glares at it, and Sara’s snickering behind her cards. 

Raymond’s body craves sweets. Raymond’s body craves vegetables. Raymond’s body leads him here and there without any reason. 

Len has  _enough_  or Raymond’s body.

* * *

 

Slipping into his own body is accompanied by nausea and his head spinning. It’s like waking from a too long sleep, his mind muted for a moment and his body not listening right away. 

“Ray?” Kendra asks and Len fights down the stupid anger flaring in his chest at the thought that  _of course_  Raymond would spend his free time with Kendra, and he glares. 

Kendra doesn’t flinch like Len would have expected. The recognition flashes in her eyes and she nods. 

“Leonard. It’s nice to have you back.” She stands up, walks to the door and stops. “A smile really looks nice on your face.” She says quietly and Len curses Raymond once again. 

* * *

 

Len almost forgets about the whole thing - he does his best to do that as well – but then the _little things_ start.

Raymond would come into Len’s room, all sunshine and smile.

“Did you ever think of trying meditation? We could do it together.”

Stopping by him in the hall.

“Drawing sounds like a fun activity. You should try that.”

Sitting next to him with food.

“Writing a journal is supposed to be fun too.”

Frowning at Len’s choice of food.

“You should eat better. It’s better for the body too.”

And so on, until Len _snaps_. He catches Raymond’s arm, slams him against the wall and doesn’t look around as he growls at Kendra to leave. She hesitates for half a second, but then she proves that she _is_ smart, because she hurries off (probably in search of Sara, which is both dumb and smart at this point).

“Well, I guess letting out the pent up anger is a good thing too.” Ray’s smiling and Len’s eyes narrow.

“The hell are you talking about, Raymond?” He growls.

Ray’s shoulders fall, the smile slips from his face, but he’s eyes don’t waver, never moving from Len’s.

“Your father. He abused you and your sister.” It’s not a question. It’s just a voiced fact and Len’s eyes narrow.

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Len hisses and Ray frowns.

“I was in your body, Len, I know! You know that the body remembers, don’t you? Every time someone suddenly, unexpectedly moved I felt the need to jump. When Mick comes too close, the need to step back. The fight and flight response? That was beaten into you, wasn’t it? Do you feel that with me too? If I come too close?” He reaches out to touch Len’s arms and hesitates, the hand freezing in the air between them.

“I don’t want you to feel like that with me.” His voice quiet, full of regret and Len hates it.

He steps closer to Raymond again, crowding him against the wall, their chests brushing as Len’s fingers slip into Raymond’s hair and he kisses him. There is a reason he never told Raymond. Raymond is so stupidly good, he would do exactly what he’s doing now. He would try to _fix_ Len, to make everything great again, he would try to heal him. But Len knows he’s broken beyond repair, he had years and years to come to terms with that and learned to live with it.

“I’m not just my body, Raymond.” He says, once he pulls back. “I’m my mind too.”

Ray’s staring at him, his eyes stupidly emotional and Len growls and kisses him again. And again, until Raymond’s kissing hesitantly back. Len smirks and presses his forehead against Ray’s waiting for Raymond’s eyes to open and look at him.

“Right now? I’m the best I can be.”

 


	14. Len and Ray taking care of each other when hurt/sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should ask Gideon to heal that.” Ray says when he’s sitting on the bed next to Len, glaring at the black and blue bruises marrying his face. He’s pretty sure those have to hurt. But for some reason Len doesn’t want to do anything with those. It drives Ray crazy. He reaches over to touch the bruise under Len’s eyes lightly, watching the man wince.
> 
> “What are you proving, staying like this?” He asks, because this doesn’t make any sense. Len lifts his hand, his fingers curling around Ray’s, silently begging him to let go and Ray frowns, but squeezes back.
> 
> “Mick needs to see it.”
> 
> In Ray’s opinion Mick needs mostly to learn how to behave to friends, but there’s such a weird bond between Mick and Len, one that no one else seems to understand. Ray bites his tongue to stop himself from saying anything else, before taking a deep breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask: the way they worry about each other after being together. Ray goes full mother hen on everything that ever happens to Len, even it's just a papercut or losing (another) hand they get a big reaction. Len is annoyed (but not really). Len worries by throwing constant insults and (pretend) grudgingly helping Ray. When Len gets serious or shows actual fear everyone else knows something has to be really really wrong with Ray

“You should ask Gideon to heal that.” Ray says when he’s sitting on the bed next to Len, glaring at the black and blue bruises marrying his face. He’s pretty sure those have to hurt. But for some reason Len doesn’t want to do anything with those. It drives Ray crazy. He reaches over to touch the bruise under Len’s eyes lightly, watching the man wince.

“What are you proving, staying like this?” He asks, because this doesn’t make any sense. Len lifts his hand, his fingers curling around Ray’s, silently begging him to let go and Ray frowns, but squeezes back.

“Mick needs to see it.”

In Ray’s opinion Mick needs mostly to learn how to behave to  _friends_ , but there’s such a weird bond between Mick and Len, one that no one else seems to understand. Ray bites his tongue to stop himself from saying anything else, before taking a deep breath.

“I’m going to get you an ice pack.” he says, standing up. “And first aid kid. Rip has to have  _one_ somewhere.” No matter how modern Gideon is, every ship has to have the classic aid kid in case the automatic responses go awry. At least Ray hopes.

Len watches Ray get up and walk to the door, before rolling his eyes.

“You’re so annoying.” He mutters and Ray glares over his shoulder.

“Well, right back at you.” Ray huffs. “At least I’m not the one thinking that getting hit over and over again is the way to make friends.” He walks out before Len can say anything else and is lucky enough to find a healing salve with Gideon’s help.

When he applies it on Len’s face minutes later, the guy is still grumbling and berating Ray on being a mother hen. But his hands are running warm circles over Ray’s back as he’s standing between Len’s legs, trying to calm down both of them.

* * *

 

“Mr. Snart, if you could check on Dr. Palmer-“

“Pretty sure _Mr. Wayne_ can check on himself.” Len drawls and Rip rolls his eyes.

“He won’t. That’s why I’m asking you.” He says, half-glaring and Len growls.

“I’m not his keeper.” Len complains, doing his best to ignore the muttered _could have fooled me_ from their dear Captain. He walks over to Raymond’s quarters. Knowing the guy he’s probably already working on this or that upgrade to his suit.

He’s right of course. There are few bruises on Ray’s own face and Len entertains himself with the idea of the two of them standing next to each other – Lisa would have made several comments about them liking it rough in the bed, Len’s sure – before walking over.

“If you don’t tend to that face, I’ll have to stop calling you Pretty Boy.” Len drawls, leaning his side against the doorway and Ray doesn’t even look up from his work.

“I need to finish this.”

“You’ll finish that later.” Ray’s quiet, playing around with a screwdriver and Len rolls his eyes, striding over and snatching the thing from his hand.

“Hey!” Ray jumps on the chair, his hand following his tool, but Len’s quicker – there’s a reason he’s the thief.

“Come on, Raymond. Time to go to Gideon, before I’ll get a lecture on treating you right.”

“Len, if there’s really a threat-“

“Then we’ll deal with it when it comes.” Len interrupts him. Raymond still looks hesitant and Len shakes his head, reaching out and grasping Raymond’s hand. “Come on.” This time, Ray doesn’t protest.

* * *

 

“It’s a  _flu_ , Raymond.” Len complains as Ray presses his hand against Len’s forehead  _again_. He already lost count how many times the man did that. Len’s also sure that his temperature didn’t change from the two minutes ago.

 “It’s a _time flu_. You don’t even know what all that can do to you!”

 “Flashes of time and memories.” Len says and very pointedly doesn’t sniff, no matter what Raymond says. “With few normal flu symptoms which should only last for few hours.” Like the fever that Len finally got rid of. Ray’s still frowning.

 “Then you should spend the few hours in bed.”

 “Not a fan of wasting my time, Raymond.”

 “I’ll come with you.” Ray adds hurriedly and Len frowns. He wants to say no, wants to tell Raymond that he’s making a bid deal out of nothing, but there’s something about the way Ray looks at him, worried and almost scared and Len sighs.

 “Fine.” He growls, ignoring the way Ray’s eyes brighten, turning back to his door.

Few flashes of past and perhaps future later, Len lies in bed with Raymond asleep next to him, Len’s fingers running over his hair, Len wonders just when did the guy get so much power over him.

* * *

 

“He’s sleeping.” Kendra smiles when she sees Len in front of Ray’s door. “Gideon said he’s going to be just really tired, but otherwise fine.” Len’s not looking at her, he’s quiet and Kendra bites her lip.

“It’s not your fault Len. None of us knew. You know how Ray is, risking too much, when-“ She stops herself and smiles. “Savage didn’t get to him. We won. And we’re all alive. He’ll be fine.” She reaches out, touches Len’s arm.

Len pulls away without a word and steps inside Ray’s room. Before the door slip closed, Kendra can see him sitting on the chair next to Ray’s bed, running his shaky fingers through Ray’s hair. He takes a SHAKY breath and Kendra bites her lip.

They are going to be okay. Like Kendra and Carter.

* * *

 

Ray groans quietly as he’s pulled from the sweet unconsciousness by the pain spreading through his whole body. His throat his dry and it feels like something died inside his mouth few hours ago. That something was probably _him_ , because he can’t even bring himself to move.

An ice chip is pressed against his lips and Ray opens them just enough for the person to slip it inside his mouth. The hand turns and the back of those fingers run over Ray’s jaw and cheek up into his hair, brushing lightly before withdrawing.

Ray sighs. He wants to open his eyes, he struggles to do that, but he can’t, his eye lids too heavy to even twitch. He groans and the hand is back, squeezing his arm lightly.

“Sleep.” Len grumbles, all serious and Ray can almost imagine the guy frowning. His words are quiet and no insults, no idiot, no pretty boy, nothing comes. Len’s hand’s shaking lightly and if Ray could do anything, he’d groan. This will be a serious talk. Ray hates serious talks from Len, because he’s always so –

“I mean it, Raymond. Sleep.”

Ray does.

* * *

 

When Ray wakes up the second time, Len’s sitting on the chair next to his bed, his eyes trained on Ray, glaring holes into him.

“I’m sorry.” He rasps and watches as Len’s eyebrow twitches.

“Three.” Len says, his eyes still narrowed and Ray swallows.

“A lucky number?” Ray offers, closing his eyes. He doesn’t need to see the heat of Len’s eyes that’s sure to follow.

“That’s the number of organs you had to have re-grown.” Len says quietly and Ray risks a look at Len. He’s serious, and what’s even worse he’s _pissed_. Ray can see that in the way his jaw’s clenched and Ray groans, pushing himself up to sit.

Len growls, but his hands are warm and gentle when he helps him up and Ray catches his arm before he can pull back.

“I had to. I couldn’t let him take you away again, Len. I couldn’t watch that.” He whispers.

“You think I could? You think it didn’t matter to me?! I watched you _die_ , Raymond, there was a _hole_ inside your chest and you _were_ dead.” Len’s hand curls into fist, shaking and Ray’s falls down, fingers on both hands curling around it. “Gideon worked on you for _hours_.”

“Len-“

“I had your _blood_ on my hands, Raymond.” His voice is breaking too, and Ray’s hands tighten on Len’s before he pulls it close, pressing it flat against his chest, over his heart.

“I’m okay, Len. See? I’m okay.” He whispers, before slipping one hand behind Len’s neck, pulling him closer and pressing his lips against Len’s. He kisses him again and again, moving his lips against Len’s until Len slowly kisses back, his fingers curling into Ray’s shirt in a firm grasp for a moment, before running down and slipping under Ray’s shirt.

Len pulls back from the kiss, before pushing Ray back down on the bed, lifting his shirt up to see the healed wound. His fingers are splayed widely over Ray’s chest, feeling the mended skin. Ray can’t help the small gasp that escapes his lips at the touch, the fingers running up and down his chest, over his ribs and muscles.

“Look at me, Raymond.” Len commands and it’s just in that moment that Ray realizes that his eyes slipped closed when he wasn’t paying attention. He forces his body to obey and looks up at Len, who isn’t staring at his chest anymore. Instead, his gaze is firmly focused on Ray’s face, his eyes as he moves his hand up again, the touch tickling Ray’s skin. Ray’s heart is trying to jump right out of his chest, Ray’s sure, his lips tremble and Len leans down again, his lips brushing Ray’s cheek all the way up to his ear.

“Don’t you _ever_ do something as stupid as this again. No matter what.” Len growls and the sound makes Ray shiver again.  He turns his head, his lips trying to find Len’s and he moans when they manage to do exactly that.

All too soon Len pulls back though, pushing Ray’s head back down against the pillow, before sitting back down in his chair.

“Down, Boy Scoutt. Not until your organs are all settled perfectly.”

Ray groans and wonders if that’s his punishment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come hang with me at codlatomheadcanons@tumblr.com


	15. Jealous!Len and Dr. Palmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray’s staring as the door to Waverider opens and a cloaked guy makes his way down the ramp. His back’s as tensed as Mick’s next to him is and he’s wondering just how quickly he can change into the suit, when the guy lifts his hands.
> 
> “My name is Rex Tyler, I mean you no harm.” The man says, his voice quiet and calm and Ray notices Rip’s hand slip to his holster. “On the contrary, I come seeking your help.” He says, his hands grasping his hood and bringing it down. The guy looks young, but there’s something in his eyes that contradict that. He’s staring at Sara, as if she’s the one making the decision. Sara frowns and glances at Rip as the man steps forward.
> 
> “Yes, we seem to be a bit busy though.” Rip’s hand tightens on his gun. “You can tell the Time Masters, that I’m not letting the Pilgrim take my team.“
> 
> “There are no Time Masters. There’s no Pilgrim, there’s not Savage, there’s no mission.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask: write something where the team meets someone who clearly appreciates Ray's abilities (IN THE FUTURE! SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THAT RAY IS A MASTER SWORDSMAN LIKE IN THE COMICS!) and who constantly refers to him as 'Dr Palmer' and gets happy (and flirty) when told they can call him Ray. (and Len gets jealous, but also sees the way Ray loses the tension he usually holds. the way he's relaxed and open.

Ray’s staring as the door to Waverider opens and a cloaked guy makes his way down the ramp. His back’s as tensed as Mick’s next to him is and he’s wondering just how quickly he can change into the suit, when the guy lifts his hands.

“My name is Rex Tyler, I mean you no harm.” The man says, his voice quiet and calm and Ray notices Rip’s hand slip to his holster. “On the contrary, I come seeking your help.” He says, his hands grasping his hood and bringing it down. The guy looks young, but there’s something in his eyes that contradict that. He’s staring at Sara, as if she’s the one making the decision. Sara frowns and glances at Rip as the man steps forward.

“Yes, we seem to be a bit busy though.” Rip’s hand tightens on his gun. “You can tell the Time Masters, that I’m not letting the Pilgrim take my team.“

“There are no Time Masters. There’s no Pilgrim, there’s no Savage, there’s no mission.” Another man steps out of the shadows of the ship and Ray’s eyes widen when the light hits his face.

“Rip?” He gasps. There’s a scar starting under his left eye, running all the way down and across his lip.

“As if one wouldn’t be enough.” Len complains, but his eyes are narrowed, watching the two closely, his fingers firmly curled on the coldgun.

“Michael.” The other Rip corrects and _their_ Rip shakes his head.

“No. This is not possible. Time Masters do not exist several times in the same-“

“Which one of us is a Time Master?” The other Rip – Michael – interrupts rolling his eyes. “They can now. The time became unstable and shattered. The time explosion destroyed the Ocu- the Vanishing point, creating a tear and seeping into the world.”

Rip’s staring at the man for a moment, biting his lip before he shakes his head.

“The Time Masters wouldn’t allow the time to shatter.”

“They didn’t have a choice. It happened before they realized.”

The two Rips are glaring each other down and Ray frowns.

“What does ‘shattered time’ mean, exactly?” He asks, because while the two seem to understand each other, they weren’t the only ones around.

Rip slowly looks away from his other self and frowns at Ray.

“It means the time stops. Slowly in every year, every age, spreading from one tear on Earth into the entire universe.”

“So it destroys the world?” Sara asks and Rip shakes his head.

“Not exactly. The world, the universe it will continue on. It won’t be destroyed just… frozen in time. Nothing will live, nothing will die. It will just exist.”

“So someone _broke time_?” Len frowns, his gaze focus and Ray blinks.

“How can that happen?”

“By someone going back over and over again to change the same event in time.” Mick says slowly from next to Ray. “There’s a reason we couldn’t just go always to the same time to stop Savage, even though we knew where he was at that point.” He says, before he focuses on the Michael. “The Oculus is destroyed, which means the time line changed.”

Michael nods.

“Yes. We need to stop the change before it happens.”

It’s all confusing and Ray’s not sure how it’s all supposed to work. But Mick’s nodding, like it makes sense to _him_. He turns and walks over to Michael’s Waverider with narrowed eyes. He reaches out and runs over the side before frowning.

“The tear got to your ship.” He says and Michael nods.

“Our time is done already. Gideon…  “ He frowns and shakes his head. “The ships not that easy to control without her. The ship also carries the tear. That’s why we need you.”

“Why should we trust you?” Len drawls, leaning his head to the side.

“Don’t you trust Rip?”

“No.” There’s not even a second of hesitation before the word leaves Len lips. Ray rolls his eyes and for once thinks that perhaps Len does deserve the bruises on his face.

“Of course we do. “ Ray’s pretty sure that Rip needs to hear it too. They did start on the wrong foot, but so far, each and every one of them made a mistake, at least one. Whether it was Rip lying to them,  Stein kidnapping Jax, Len trying to change his own past, Kendra keeping way too many secrets, Sara and her ability to get the whole team into a mess whether it’s by going out drinking or smoking. Mick by making the wrong decision and Rip again by helping Mick make that one. And Ray… to Ray it feels like most of his decisions were wrong. But they stayed together, pulled and pushed at each other until they were all aboard the same ship again – no pun intended - and pushed through.

With them being the way there are, Rip probably needs a little encouragement. The man looks at him, something shining in his eyes before he nods a little.

“Thank you, Mr. Palmer.”

“Dr. Palmer.” Rex speaks up once again, before glancing at Ray and coming closer. “Dr. Palmer.” He nods, before his eyes widen. “Or do you prefer Professor? I’m sorry I’m a bit unclear about your time period and proper respect when it comes to titles. Usually I just go with doctor when I talk about you because that seems to be the right way, but it’s just a guess.”

Rex’s looking at him, expecting an answer, one that Ray’s unable to give, because he’s still too shocked that someone on this adventure of theirs _actually used his title_. Without prompting, without Ray correcting them, on the _first try_ and it feels a bit overwhelming.

Rex’s eyes fall a bit, before he smiles brightly.

“Professor then, I’ll remember that.” He promises and Ray quickly shakes his head.

“No. No. Doctor’s just fine.” His mind’s still reeling a bit when Michael rolls his eyes and pushes at their backs to get them to move.

“Let’s return to the Waverider. Mr. Tyler can talk to you inside as well.”

“’Fanboy’ over him, you mean.” Len growls, his eyes narrowing at the young man. Ray doesn’t pay too much attention to him though, because Rex’s much more interesting at the moment. He’s also pretty sure that whatever is bugging Len, it’ll still be there just a few moments later.

Rex shrugs and bites his lip.

“Well he’s not wrong.” He admits walking next to Ray to the Waverider. “I _am_ a fan. But in my time pretty much everyone is. Your compression matrix is something everyone learns nowadays. Small children already hear about all your accomplishment and your research. Children are fighting for the chance to go to the sword school named by you and-“ He stops and flush spreads over his cheeks as he smiles sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Palmer. It’s just… it’s like meeting your childhood hero, you know? There are _stories_ about you. There are movies and I think they started on a TV show recently. Didn’t get to watch it yet, but I’m hoping to when I get home.”

Ray’s mind is reeling as he’s staring at Rex.

“Movies?” He asks and Rex nods.

“Yes. I mean sword fighting is pretty archaic in our time so that’s probably not very accurate and the actors aren’t _you_ , but you can still earn a lot!”

There are movies about Ray. _Movies_. He’s not forgotten. Ray’s heart beats quickly in his chest and he licks his lips.

“But… I thought Sydney was the important to the time line.” After all he took Ray’s research and made cruel robots out of that. No one in 2147 even knew that Ray existed, really.

Rex frowns, before the understanding dawns on him and he nods.

“True, but after you guys go to the future and visit Sydney’s descendant, she can’t forget about it. So she goes and looks through the family stuff and actually finds your notes.” He says, his eyes are bright as he’s staring at Ray. “Your research of the size change actually helps in the future. The earth gets damaged and we don’t have that much space, but with that research…” He shrugs. “You actually saved the less fortunate parts of the world you could say, Dr. Palmer. Not to mention that the whole time travel thing is very interesting.” Rex beams.

Ray’s pretty sure he’s dreaming. If he is, he doesn’t want to wake up. His life meant something. He might’ve been no one in some kind of Rip’s future, but now that changed. Now he knows that his work brought something good. Not just the pain and suffering that they saw back (or forward) in 2147. Not only that. He actually survived the time travelling – or someone out of them did, because they knew that Ray time travelled and Ray’s pretty sure he doesn’t have anything like that in his notes.

“Dr. Palmer?” Rex asks, the expression on his face worried when Ray manages to focus on him once again. “Are you alright?”

“Ray.” Ray smiles. “Call me Ray.”

Rex’s eyes widen, before he smiles, wide and happy. He licks his lips and looks at Ray from under his eyelashes.

“Ray.” The word’s quiet, warm and Ray’s reminded of a prayer. The way Rex’s smiling at him makes Ray feel important and his heart jumps in his chest as he opens his mouth.

He jumps when a loud crash fills the room and he turns just in time to see Len leaving the room. A broken bottle is lying on the floor and for some reason Sara’s frowning at him before she follows Len out.  

Ray looks at Kendra, wondering what that was, but she finds her glaring at Rex.

“I’m sorry.” The man in question mutters and Ray sighs.

“Not you fault.”

“… actually, it kind of is.” He adds and shrugs. “I just thought that maybe… never mind, I’m sorry.” He says with a sad smile, one that makes Ray uneasy and confused. “Maybe you should go talk to him, you know.”

The world doesn’t make any sense at all.

* * *

 

Ray doesn’t go to talk to Len. He heard enough tales from Cisco about what everything Captain Cold’s capable of when he’s not in the mood. Ray also thinks it will be better if he gave Len enough time to cool down – pun not intended. He plans to talk to Len later, maybe after dinner. Maybe somewhere with a lot of witnesses as well.

His plan gets ruined when Len appears in his room suddenly, hand squeezing Ray’s shoulder.

“We need to talk.”

Ray doesn’t jump – too much – at the words. He also wonders if he could get Sara to talk Len into wearing a bell or something.  When he looks at the man he expects him to be smirking, cheeky about the fact that he managed to sneak onto Ray like that and scare the living daylights out of him. He’s not though. Instead he’s frowning and for a moment Ray entertains the idea that he’s still mad about the few hours ago. Only he has no idea what that _is_.

“I’m sorry?” He offers, because that always seems to be the best start when someone’s angry. And looking at Len now, frowning concentration, no drawling in his voice, no slouching…  something feels terribly wrong.

He turns to face the man fully, looking up at him from where he’s sitting behind the table and bites his lip when Len’s frown deepens. Len takes a step closer, his hands grasping the chair on Ray’s both sides and he’s leaning in impossibly close. Their faces are mere inches apart and Ray can _feel_ Len’s warm breath on his own face.

Ray’s heart is thumping loudly in his chest and he does his best not to think about how he’d probably touch Len if he licked his mouth.

“Sara and Kendra say you’re oblivious idiot when it comes to people hitting on you, so I’m going to spell it out for you.”

Ray rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair in the pretense of wanting to look Len straight in the eyes.

“Rex isn’t flirting with me.” If that is what’s going through Len’s head…

“He is. And so am I.”

Ray’s eyes widen at that and he’s about to open his mouth and _ask_ when Len closes the remaining distance between the two of them, pressing his lips against Ray’s, hard and hot. Ray feels like it’s more claim than a kiss and he never expected Len to be possessive.

He never expected to be kissed by said man either, actually. But there’s something about Len, something about the way Len looks at him and smirks. Something about the way Len doesn’t take any of Ray’s bullshit, pushing him towards taking care of himself. Something about the way he frowns at Ray when Ray does something crazy. Something about the way he smiles those little grins when he’s sure no one can see him. Something about the way his presence is always close.

Len’s hand moves from the chair up, splaying over Ray’s cheek and ear, keeping his face and lips prisoner, until he decides otherwise. Ray’s more than okay with that. His own hands grasp at Len’s waist desperately and when Len finally frees his lips, it’s just to lean even closer, running his nose over the shell of Ray’s ear.

“Dr. Palmer.” He whispers, the words hot on Ray’s skin and Ray gasps out. He knows Len’s smirking even before the man pulls back for Ray to see.

“Knew that had to be some kink of yours, Boy Scout.” Ray frowns at that, because if _that_ is what Len thinks about that then-

“That was a _joke_ , Raymond.” Len says before Ray manages to open his mouth and rolls his eyes. “I know your title is important to you.” Ray lifts an eyebrow and Len shrugs. “ _Now._ ” He adds.

Ray shakes his head, before he narrowing his eyes at Len.

“Just one question.” He says, waiting until Len’s focused on him again. “Did Sara and Kendra _really_ say I am ‘oblivious idiot’?”

“Not in those exact words.” Len admits and before Ray can complain, he’s kissing him again.

Well… Ray can always complain later. Why break a perfectly good kiss after all?

* * *

 

It’s some time until the two of them return to bridge and when they do, Rex does his best not to look at either one of them. Ray does his best to pretend he doesn't notice that or the way Len’s standing way too close. He wonders if the guy’s stating a claim or something, if there _is_ such a possessive streak inside of him after all. Ray does his best to tell himself his heart doesn’t jump at that and that there aren’t any butterflies roaming his stomach as he sits down.

“Glad you two could join us.” Their Rip huffs and Len rolls his eyes as he slouches down on the chair next to Ray.

“Of course, Captain.” Ray notices that the drawl is back as is the smirk. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Central City, 2016.” Michael says and Ray frowns.

“Weren’t we supposed to stop the person changing the time line?” He asks and Michael stands up, narrowing his eyes.

“That’s why we are going to stop Barry Allen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come hang out with me on coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com


	16. Memories of Lewis, little Ray kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Savage’s hand at his throat is making it hard to breathe. Len wonders if this guy has some kind of superpowers that Rip forgot to mention.
> 
> “There’s no one to save you.” Savage sneers into his face. “Any of you. You’re all going to die here, deleted from time and history with no one to grieve, starting with you.” The hand tightens on his throat even more and Len claws at it as his vision goes white and his lungs burn, until there’s a bright light and he falls to the ground as Savage curses.
> 
> Len’s gasping for breath in the same moment that his hand’s trying to reach for his cold gun as his vision clears and he sees Raymond, his arm outstretched towards Savage, his eyes half closed and wobbling on his feet. Early bruises are already marrying his face, blood’s oozing out of his split lip, his hair messy.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES FEW DESCRIPTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CHILD ABUSE
> 
>  
> 
> Ask: What if while robbing a house, Lewis Snart finds a young Ray Palmer home and either ends up needing a hostage, or just decides to kidnap the kid to hold for ransom? He makes Len watch him (probably with threats to Lisa) and Len's telling himself (and Ray) that he doesn't care about what happens to this kid. Then Lewis goes off on Len (or Lisa?) and Ray tries to stand up for him? Maybe it's something adult Snart remembers later on onboard the Waverider?

 

Savage’s hand at his throat is making it hard to breathe. Len wonders if this guy has some kind of superpowers that Rip forgot to mention.

“There’s no one to save you.” Savage sneers into his face. “Any of you. You’re all going to die here, deleted from time and history with no one to grieve, starting with you.” The hand tightens on his throat even more and Len claws at it as his vision goes white and his lungs burn, until there’s a bright light and he falls to the ground as Savage curses.

Len’s gasping for breath in the same moment that his hand’s trying to reach for his cold gun as his vision clears and he sees Raymond, his arm outstretched towards Savage, his eyes half closed and wobbling on his feet. Early bruises are already marrying his face, blood’s oozing out of his split lip, his hair messy.

“You little-“ Savage growls advantaging on Ray, and Ray’s not shooting. There’s something in his eyes, something akin to tired fear and suddenly Len realizes that it’s not that he doesn’t want to choose, it’s that he can’t. There’s not enough energy in the suit of his, the laser on top of his gauntlet is blinking in and out of existence. Savage is there, his fist flies out, hitting Ray, the man falls to the ground and Len shoots. It’s unexpected enough for Savage not to realize. His feet get frozen to the ground and he’s growling and spitting fire, but Len doesn’t care. He forces himself to his knees and feet, drags himself to Raymond, before kneeling down next to him, shaky hand touching his cheek trying to make sure his lover? Partner? Whole world? Whatever Raymond is, is okay.

Ray opens his eyes and looks at him.

“You’re okay.” He says quietly, squeezing Len’s hand. “Good.”

It all feels strangely familiar, like it happened already and Len’s eyes suddenly widen when he realizes that it has.

* * *

 

When Lewis (he’s not a dad, not anymore) drags the kid, hand pressed tightly against his mouth and tears streaming down his face, inside the house in the middle of the night, Len pretends he’s asleep. He’s happy that Lisa’s up in the room and not down here with him. He’s also glad that he decided to sleep on couch when Lewis comes and grabs his arm, hissing.

“You come with me boy.” He growls in Len’s ear. The grip is painful, but Len doesn’t wince. It’s always worse when he does.

He’s showed into the room and he blinks at the small kid, shivering and crying in the corner of the room.

“You make sure he doesn’t run.” Lewis glaring at him, before leaning down, his eyes narrowing when Len frowns. He might be Lewis’ son, but he never signed up for this life. Never signed up for all these thefts, all this hurting people. Never signed up for kidnapping little kids. “Or Lisa will be the one to pay for it.” The threat makes his blood run cold and his father smirks. He knows, of course he knows. “Good boy.” Lewis says, running his hand over Len’s head.

The kid in the corner flinches and Len never hated his father more.

“What about school?” Len asks, not even sure what he’s hoping for.

“You’ll skip. They can’t teach you anything useful anyway.” His father sneers, before walking out.

* * *

 

The kid can’t be older than five or six, Len decides as he watches the boy. He’s sitting in the corner of the room, his knees up and his arms around them, his head lolling to the side, pressed against the wall. He must’ve fallen asleep while crying because there are dried tear streaks on his face. There’s dried blood on his clothes and Len doesn’t even want to imagine what happened wherever this kid came from.  
  
He shakes his head and puts the tray with food on the table before turning around and leaving.

* * *

 

When he comes back several hours later, the kid is awake but the food is untouched and Len frowns.

“You should eat.” He says and watches as the kid presses his face firmer into his knees. He’s shivering and Len shakes his head before standing up to get a blanket from the bed. He walks to the boy slowly, and puts the blanket around his shoulders, and the boy jumps.  
  
Len tells himself he doesn’t care that the boy is scared. That he shouldn’t care, because by the rate Lewis is going, this kid will be dead as soon as Lewis gets whatever he wants anyway, and then all Len would be able to see would be this kid’s face.  
  
But the kid’s staring at him and Len knows it’s too late now anyway – one way or another these scared eyes will haunt him till the end of his life.

He groans at himself and sits down next to the boy, pressing his shoulder against the kid’s.

“It’s okay. He’s not going to be here tonight.” His father was consistent in that at least. If he felt like he had a big game ahead of himself, he planned and planned and he was rarely home for that.

He takes the tea he brought with him and pushes it in the boy’s hands.

“At least drink something.”

The kid closes his hands around the cup and sniffles quietly, not looking at Len.

“He’s going to kill me.” He whispers, and Len looks at him surprised. He didn’t think the kid would realize that, or that he would just give up on the hope the children usually hold onto. That if he just does everything the scary man wants, maybe he’ll be okay. Maybe he’ll see his parents again. “He’s going to ask mommy and dad for money and when he gets them he’s going to kill me.” His voice wavers a bit, but it feels like he’s just stating a fact. One that he’s sure of.  
One that Len also believes in. He doesn’t say anything, instead he frowns at the wall opposite him.

* * *

 

“No, Lisa! Don’t go in there-“ The warning comes way too late and Lisa’s already unlocking the door and slipping inside.

“Why, are there Christmas presents?” She asks, her eyes wide with happiness, before they settle on the boy. “Lenny? There’s a small boy. Why is there a small boy?”

“Lisa, get out of there, now.” But it’s too late. The front door open and Lewis already sees. In next moment he’s marching towards them, grabbing Lisa and throwing her out of the room, closing the door behind her. Len can hear her wince, but he can’t go after her, can’t even move when his father grabs him, one hand tightening on his throat almost lifting him off his feet. He grasps at the hands but it does nothing.

“I can’t even trust you to take care of your sister?!” Lewis probably doesn’t realize just how hard he’s choking Len. He wouldn’t do that normally, wouldn’t leave bruises that are too visible, but the last few times he came home he didn’t seem too happy. Whatever ransom he’s asking for the kid’s not going too well probably, if it allowed him to lose his focus. Len’s gasping for breath and the hold is too much, when suddenly he’s let go of and Lewis curses.

His lungs fill with much needed air and he’s gulping it down as much as he can in. When he looks up he sees the boy, standing there with wide eyes, his hand still grasping Lewis’ arm firmly.

“You little-“ Lewis growls and backhands the boy, making him fly all the way back to the wall. He’s advancing on the kid again when Len opens his mouth.

“If you kill him you’re not gonna get anything!” He yells and his father stops, shooting him a glance before growling.

“This happens one more time, and nothing will help your sister, you understand?” He spats, before walking out, the door closing with a bang behind him. Breathing still hurts, but Len drags himself up and to the boy, touching his cheek.

The eyes open and the boy glances up at him.

“You’re okay.” He says, smiles even though his bottom lip is split and is bleeding and lifts his hand to squeeze Len’s. “Good.”

* * *

 

That night Len makes sure the boy has enough blankets and closes the door, locking it, taking the only key with him. He makes sure Lisa’s at the neighbor’s place as he walks to the phone booth, calling the 911.

“There’s a small kidnapped boy at Lewis Snart’s house. Please hurry.” He rattles out the address before slamming the phone down and goes after Lisa, staring out of the window. It’s mere minutes when the cars stop in front of their house, loud noises waking up everyone in the area – including his father who’s asleep on the couch. Len sees him glance out of the window and he can imagine him running to the boy’s door, trying to pry them open. But they are locked, Len made sure of that and he won’t manage to break those down before the police gets inside the house.

Len’s right – their door breaks down and his father’s dragged down and soon one of the man carries out a small bundle in his arms. A woman cries out and hurries over taking the kid from the policeman. The boy hugs her tightly and soon another man joins the hug, embracing both – his wife and son.

“Is he going to be okay?” Lisa asks next to him and Len glances over before biting his lip.

“I hope so.” Because the kid didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to cross paths with Lewis Snart. And neither did Len and Lisa.

“Are we going to be okay?” Lisa opens her mouth again and something in Len’s chest hurts. He doesn’t have an answer for that, so instead he turns and pulls her into a hug.

It’s hours before child services come and days before they are separated. It’s a year before Len goes to juvie and meets Mick. It’s few more before he becomes Captain Cold.

* * *

 

“That was you.” Len says, his heart beating quickly in his chest and he’s staring at Ray as if he’s seeing him for the first time. Or, second. He didn’t realize… but now, if he looks at the eyes, they are so similar to the small boy’s that Len doesn’t understand how he didn’t recognize him in the first place.

Ray doesn’t ask what he’s talking about, instead he squeezes Len’s hand again.

“I was worried about you.” Ray mutters, breaking the silence in the room. “ You and Lisa. All the way back then. I was worried if that was how he behaved to you all the time-“

“You were the one kidnapped, you idiot!” Len hisses, because what the hell, but Ray shakes his head.

“Yes, that wasn’t fun.” He says with a smile before shrugging. “But I had people to talk to. People to help me. My parents, the psychologist I was meeting… it felt like you didn’t have anyone. Your own father was-“ Ray bites his lip and shakes his head. “Being alone… It felt much scarier, you know?”

Len curses and leans down, kissing the man that is the boy from so long ago. The man that saved his life again now, a man that’s so foolish that he’ll risk his own life over and over again for people he doesn’t even know. The man that did the same thing back then when he was just a kid.  
  
The man that somehow saw something in Len that no one ever did, the man that wore all of Len’s defenses now.

The man that Len can’t imagine his life without anymore. The man he doesn’t deserve, but refuses to give up.

The man he loves.


	17. Ray and Len have a nightmare/ Come back here, Raymond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray's eyes fly open as a gasp leaves his lips, his arms are out, hands trying to clutch at something, anything. His hands are grasped and Ray blinks up at Sara, who's leaning over him.
> 
> "Ray. Ray, you're okay." She mutters quietly, squeezing his hand, waiting as Ray's eyes fly all over the room until they settle back on her. "It's okay now. Rip dealt with him, them. Whatever they are."
> 
> Ray doesn't understand, his heart's beating in his chest like crazy. But Sara's hands are warm, and grounding, and they aren't calming, not just yet, but they are enough of a presence to make Ray concentrate on them, holding him secured in whatever reality this is. Ray takes a small breath, waiting for his racing heart to slow down at least a tiny bit, before he blinks and swallows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For ruthc, who wanted: the prompt where the Legends run into an enemy that can show someone their greatest fears. And Ray and Len appear in each other’s visions.
> 
> I also thought it’d be interesting if it happened before they were together, because well, we don’t always know what our mind’s deepest fear is.

Ray's eyes fly open as a gasp leaves his lips, his arms are out, hands trying to clutch at something, anything. His hands are grasped and Ray blinks up at Sara, who's leaning over him.

"Ray. Ray, you're okay." She mutters quietly, squeezing his hand, waiting as Ray's eyes fly all over the room until they settle back on her. "It's okay now. Rip dealt with him, them. Whatever they are."

Ray doesn't understand, his heart's beating in his chest like crazy. But Sara's hands are warm, and grounding, and they aren't calming, not just yet, but they are enough of a presence to make Ray concentrate on them, holding him secured in whatever reality this is. Ray takes a small breath, waiting for his racing heart to slow down at least a tiny bit, before he blinks and swallows.

"You remember me?" His throat feels horribly dry and his voice sounds horrible even to his own ears. Sara doesn't comment at that though, she just frowns and nods.

"Of course, we do. Ray, whatever you saw - it wasn't real. These... creatures, they live of the nightmares of people. They suck your life energy out while you struggle through your worst fears. It wasn't real, okay?" She's rubbing his arms and Ray doesn't even realize he's shaking until then. It was just a nightmare. Sara remembers him. If Sara remembers him that means the rest of the team does too, including Len. His heart skips a beat at the name and he swallows. Sara is alive and so the rest of his team must be also. He didn’t fail anyone this time. Whatever he saw, it was just a nightmare.  _It doesn't mean anything_.

He still can't look at Len when Sara drags him to the ship. He can't risk it, because if he does look and Len doesn't recognize him by any chance... if Len’s not okay by any chance… Ray shakes his head and lets Sara pull him towards the medical bay.

* * *

 

"You've been avoiding me." Len says and Ray's hands freeze over their dinner as he swallows hard. He can't say no - it would be a lie, and if anyone would be able to figure it out, it would be Len. It wouldn't be fair either.

So he sighs, puts the bowl of what could later be their food, hopefully and turns to face Len. He makes sure he's staring at the point over his left shoulder intently as he shrugs and offers a small smile.

"You've been avoiding me too." Ray's not stupid enough to believe anything else. If Len really wanted to find him, he would. There's no way of running from the man, Ray believes that he might know more about the ship's hiding places and shortcuts than Rip does. So if Len didn't come up to him until now, he had his own agenda and reasons. (Ray doesn't dare to hope they were the same reasons as his.)

He sees Len lifting his hand, then his chin is grasped and he’s turned slightly.

“My eyes are over here.” He’s smirking at his own joke, but Ray can see the deep circles under his eyes. The tiredness screaming off of his every feature. Len had probably as little sleep as Ray did, these last few days. Ray has to fight the urge to reach out and make sure he’s okay. Because Len was this pale it that nightmare. He was this pale when he looked at Ray with his last breath on his lips, not even recognizing him. Not blaming him, because he didn’t know he ought to, but Ray did enough of it himself.

“Come back, Raymond.” Len whispers and Ray’s eyes jump right up to meet Len’s again, before he lets out a relieved sigh. Len’s eyes are not empty. His eyes aren’t glossy, they aren’t confused and his hand on Ray’s cheek – when did it move from Ray’s chin again – is warm.

Len’s thumb is moving slowly over Ray’s cheek and Len’s glaring, his eyes narrowed and focused on Ray as if he’s trying to see through him. As if he’s trying to figure something out, fighting with his own inner demons perhaps.

Or maybe that’s just Ray projecting. His eyelids suddenly feel heavy, the tiredness he felt in his bones the last days resurfacing with the new strength. And Ray feels like he could sleep, like he could finally, _finally_ , sleep. His eyes are seconds away from closing and Ray really wants to give into the sweet temptation, when Len opens his mouth again.

“I’ve seen you die.” His words are quiet, but they still pull Ray out of whatever spell he is under to focus on the man in front of him. Len’s still frowning, like he doesn’t understand himself, but he’s not glaring anymore. He’s also standing much closer than before.

“That’s… that’s something all of us worry about, probably.” Ray licks his lips, looking down. “We’re a team, we wouldn’t want to see anything happening to each other.” Ray’s cheek is none too gently tapped as Len forces Ray’s eyes back to meet his.

“Not the team.” Ray blinks at that, his own vision of a nightmare chasing him. “I saw _you_ die. Lewis was back and he had you and Lisa and-“ Len shakes his head and his other hand comes to clutch at Ray’s shirt. “You died for her. I couldn’t stop you. Couldn’t pick you over Lisa.”

Ray didn’t think Len would try. Len’s staring at him, waiting and Ray nods.

“That’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to pick me over her. If something like that happened, I would still do it.” Ray frowns. “Well… whatever I did in that nightmare. I wouldn’t risk anything happening to her.” Because Ray knew just how much Len loved Lisa. He might’ve not said that, but the way Mick talks about the Snart siblings there’s not a question in Ray’s mind. He also heard about Lewis. Not much, but he did, Barry told him and he would never ever want Len to go through something like that again. So if his own death would somehow help Len and Lisa… Ray wouldn’t think too hard about it.

Len’s eyes narrowed and then he’s pulling Ray in and down a bit, lips pressing against Ray’s, sucking and biting and generally moving… Ray isn’t even sure when or how, but the next thing he knows he’s kissing back, just as hard and as much as he himself is being kissed.

His hands are resting on Len’s neck as he pulls back, breathing hard.

“So… “ he manages to get out, licking his lips. “Is this something we do now?” That’s not the question he wants to ask. Not at all. The question that’s lurking in his mind is more of ‘so what are we now?’ or ‘are we something?’ or even ‘how long is this going to last?’, but he can’t bring himself to voice them. Len and he, they weren’t anything just a few moments ago. No, that’s wrong. They were teammates, they cared about each, of course they did, but the nightmare –

It feels like it cracked his eyes open, just a tiny bit, but it’s still there. The light that was there all this time, but he was too blind to see, too preoccupied with himself, with trying to prove himself to others to notice.

But the thought of Len’s empty eyes –

There’s another tap on his cheek, another _come back here, Raymond_ that’s not even voiced, but it’s still very present, it still makes Ray look at Len and swallow hard, because Len’s face is cold, calculating and Ray didn’t even notice when Len started to matter this much. But in next moment Len’s smirking again, pulling him closer, to steal Ray’s breath once more.

“Let’s find out.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me @ coldatomheadcanons.tumblr.com


	18. “Your smile is not as bright as it used to be.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len doesn’t know what happened while he was ‘dead’. He doesn’t even recall being dead, all he knows is that one moment he’s in the Oculus, wishing hell and worse on the group of assholes in front of him, and the next the team’s standing above him, their worried expressions swimming in front of Len’s eyes and the terrible pain in his head as if he didn’t have enough sleep. Supposedly, he had more than enough of that.
> 
> It’s only later, after Gideon healed him – or did a number on him, depending on who you ask – does Len notice the differences. The team is different. Not more mature, but perhaps more subdued. They are quieter and while Len never thought they worked together as a team really well, right now no one works with anyone. Or rather, they worked together, they just aren’t a team. They are more of an army, people following orders without too much thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Answer to a drabble prompt: “Your smile is not as bright as it used to be.”

Len doesn’t know what happened while he was ‘dead’. He doesn’t even recall being dead, all he knows is that one moment he’s in the Oculus, wishing hell and worse on the group of assholes in front of him, and the next the team’s standing above him, their worried expressions swimming in front of Len’s eyes and the terrible pain in his head as if he didn’t have enough sleep. Supposedly, he had more than enough of that.

It’s only later, after Gideon healed him – or did a number on him, depending on who you ask – does Len notice the differences. The team is different. Not more mature, but perhaps more subdued. They are quieter and while Len never thought they worked together as a team really well, right now no one works with anyone. Or rather, they worked together, they just aren’t a team. They are more of an army, people following orders without too much thinking.

It’s not only the group – the individuals changed as well. There are some subtle changes, and some major ones.  Sara’s looking for female company more than ever before. ‘Love them, leave them’ seems to be her theory and Len’s sure that no matter where they stop, Sara finds a female ‘victim’. It’s not a new behavior as he hears from the rest of the crew – and Gideon – and for a moment he wonders if that’s perhaps his fault. But when it came to the two of them it was always more about the teasing. About being comfortable with each other, about understanding how it felt to be in love with someone that doesn’t see them. That they don’t want to see them, because there could be nothing good in that. They both know how it was, to see a person you feel something for, kiss other people. They both know how it feels to not touch the person one cares about because of fear of hurting them, to taint them. The kiss at the end. It was Len longing for anything, any kind of closeness before he dies. He was sure Sara understood. The way she looked at him said so, and he was thankful.

Mick’s different from what he was like before. He’s more like Leonard in a way – he listens to others, not really expressing an opinion unless he’s sure he wants to. Unless he has something out of that. On the other hand he pretends to be stupid – even in the things Len knows he is aware of. He has this stupid mask on and Len’s not sure what it’s supposed to protect him from. Whatever it is, it’s not going to though and in long run it’ll just make Mick frustrated, Len’s sure. But other than being frustrated, Mick managed to make a friend too. Something that Len didn’t expect to, and something that makes Len feel annoyed and happy at the same time.

Stein becomes even more conceited than before. He doesn’t listen to the others, pushes whatever agenda he has forward. It feels like he lost all shame and inhibitions. He’s still smart about it all, and Len’s pretty sure that if the guy ever decided to be a criminal, he wouldn’t be one of the low lives lost under someone else’s boot. Stein is suddenly interesting in Len’s eyes – as well as dangerous. Somehow, it feels like he wouldn’t think too hard about hurting one of them just to get to whatever goal of his. It’s not something that wasn’t there in Stein before, but it’s just so much more obvious right now, and it makes Len’s skin itch.

Jax’s probably the one that changed the least. Maybe in his case it’s not really ‘changing’ as much as it is ‘growing’. He’s still the same guy, still the same opinions, it just seems that he finally learnt that there are hard choices in life. Maybe not the nicest thing to learn, but an important lesson nonetheless.

Jax changed the least. The one that changed the most, though, is Raymond. He’s quieter, he’s standing more in the back and not looking at people as much as he used to. He doesn’t speak his mind – not as clearly and openly as he did before, and a lot of the time he’s just quiet if he doesn’t agree with what the team decided. His eyes may disagree strongly, but he’ll just look around the rest, before swallowing, his shoulders falling and his gaze slipping away. His smiles are smaller and there is an undertone of _fake_. The smiles seem lonely, lost, and _no one seems to notice_. Everyone seems like they are used to that, like that’s _normal_ , and Len doesn’t understand. Because the tense expression on Raymond’s face feels wrong and no one seems too interested in that.

At first Len hopes he’s just mistaking. But the longer he watches Raymond in the team, the more he feels like it’s Raymond _and_ the team. 

It might not be a problem for the team, but Leonard is sure it’s problem for Raymond. Because these smiles, this insecurity, Leonard already witnessed. All the way at the beginning, when Raymond was still being an idiot, throwing his life away at every occasion just to prove himself to the team. Len’s going to be damned if he’s going to allow that to him again.

* * *

 

He finds Raymond bend over suit – or armor – that’s most certainly not his own. He doesn’t notice Leonard, not when he steps in the room and not when he leans back against the wall. Len uses the moment to look over the man. He seems to be thinner every time Len sees him. His shoulders are hunched, and he’s frowning at the armor, obviously lost in thought. His finger is tapping lightly at the chest plate, and it doesn’t seem like he’s aware he’s doing that.

For some reason, he seems… sad, to Len.

When Len can’t take watch that expression anymore. He clears his throat.

Raymond jumps, his head snapping up at the sound. There is a moment, and then Ray forces a smile on his face. His mouth opens, but Len speaks before Ray gets the chance.

“Your smile is not as bright as it used to be.” He says, quiet and without a drawl. His words might be partly a joke, he doesn’t want to spook Raymond out. But this is a serious discussion and he wants the man to know that.

Ray blinks at him, confused.

“What are you even saying, Len?”

“You smiled differently in the past.”

Raymond swallows, before he looks down, patting the armor and laughs.

The laugh sounds fake, fake, _fake_.

“I don’t even know how I smiled before.” Ray whispers, the smile on his face becoming twisted and Len can almost see the tears in his eyes. Whatever Raymond went through it left a mark – a mark no one else saw, or no one else cared about.

Leonard frowns, pulling himself from the door and making his way over to the other man. He has no idea what he’s going to do, he just can’t stand that expression on Raymond’s face – not for a second longer. He doesn’t plan to reach out, doesn’t plan to catch Raymond’s hand and doesn’t plan to wait for him to look at Leonard.  He doesn’t plan any of that, yet he still does that and it feels right.

It feels right to have Raymond look at him in quiet wonder. Len doesn’t try to control his actions anymore, just goes with his gut – something that’s more Mick’s style than his own, and presses his lips to Raymond’s.

He never dreamed of this – never allowed himself to, but he’s sure that not even a fantasy Leonard would come up with would hold a candle to the real deal.

 “Then let me remind you.” He mutters against Raymond’s lips, pressing their mouths together again and again until he can feel Raymond slowly relax against him.

Leonard _is_ going to get Raymond’s smile back. And he’s never going to let it go again.


	19. Mother's Day, feat. goldenvibe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard doesn’t expect to find Ray standing in front of the screen in Raymond’s room, doing what looks like stalking his own mother basically.
> 
> “Isn’t this a bit not Boy Scoutish?” Leonard drawls, making Raymond’s shoulder jump, before he turns around slightly. He looks a bit sheepish when he shrugs and looks back.
> 
> “Eagle Scout.” Leonard rolls his eyes, but Raymond continues. “It’s Mother’s Day.” He mutters and ah. Maybe this is exactly the place Leonard should’ve expected to find Raymond after all. Because the guy is the only one who keeps counting hours, days, to be able to live in the same timeline they left. Even though to Leonard, it feels impossible now. To most of them it does, because time is not important on a time ship. Every day is the Mother’s Day in some time, so it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter to any of them, but Raymond, it seems. Len really shouldn’t have been surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask:How would coldatom spend mother's day?

Leonard doesn’t expect to find Ray standing in front of the screen in Raymond’s room, doing what looks like stalking his own mother basically.

“Isn’t this a bit  _not_ Boy Scoutish?” Leonard drawls, making Raymond’s shoulder jump, before he turns around slightly. He looks a bit sheepish when he shrugs and looks back.

“Eagle Scout.” Leonard rolls his eyes, but Raymond continues. “It’s Mother’s Day.” He mutters and ah. Maybe this is exactly the place Leonard should’ve expected to find Raymond after all. Because the guy is the only one who keeps counting hours, days, to be able to live in the same timeline they left. Even though to Leonard, it feels impossible now. To most of them it does, because time is not important on a time ship. Every day is the Mother’s Day in some time, so it doesn’t really  _matter_. It doesn’t matter to any of them,  _but_ Raymond, it seems. Len really shouldn’t have been surprised.

His eyes slide to the screen again. There’s a kind looking woman sitting on a couch, looking through what seems to be a photo album with a guy looking way too similar to Raymond holding her hand and smiling at her.

“Do you want to go to her?”

Raymond laughs. It’s quiet and sad and his shoulders shake just a little.

“Yes.” He doesn’t move though, his eye still glued to the screen, like it’s a life line.

“The jump ship’s right there.” Leonard reminds him, but Raymond just shakes his head.

“I can’t.” He whispers, his arm twitching at his side like he wants to reach out and run his fingers over the picture on the screen. Maybe he does. Raymond  _is_ sentimental like that. “I don’t know when I would be able to visit again.  _If_ I would be able to visit again.” He mutters, and Leonard doesn’t tell him that it wouldn’t really matter  _when_ he’d be able to visit, because for the other person it could still be just the next day. They had this discussion before, the whole ‘but there is still the time when I’m not visiting her that she’s hurting and worried and if I show up she’d get her hope up  _again_  and…  _I can’t_.

Len doesn’t really think that makes as much sense as Raymond thinks it does, but he doesn’t push. Not usually and not today. Instead he steps closer, pressing his shoulder against Raymond’s, feeling how tense the man is. His fingers brush Raymond’s before he catches his hand and squeezes. Raymond swallows audibly, tearing his eyes from the screen to glance at Leonard.

“If you want… we could… We could go and visit  _your_ mother.” He says quietly, knowing very well what Leonard will say, but for some stupid reason still asking.

“Not a fan of visiting graves.” It’s another thing the two of them are so different. While Leonard is sure that Raymond could spend hours talking to a grave – he actually knows for a fact that Raymond  _does_ that, he tagged along with Raymond to Anna’s grave enough times by now – for Leonard, doing that right now… it would be an empty gesture. His mother can’t hear him, and sometimes, he’s glad for that. She probably wouldn’t be too happy knowing what life he brought on himself. His hand unconsciously squeezes on Raymond’s again, before he blinks.

“But I know a mother that we should celebrate.” He says, pulling at Raymond to get him to follow him to the jump ship, ignoring Raymond’s questions. After all, he’ll see soon enough.

* * *

 

Raymond’s positively beaming when he recognizes the place, he’s rocking on the balls of his feet, generally looking like a kid on a Christmas morning.

“You didn’t tell me!” He huffs, but Leonard can see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Since when?!”

Leonard rolls his eyes at that. As if the ‘when’ really matters.

“Around two months ago.” He answers and knocks on the door. It doesn’t take long for Cisco to open it, grin on his face.

“I had a feeling you’re going to show up today. Hey, Ray.”

“Not because of you, Ramon.”

“Weeeeeeell… kind of because of him too.” Raymond beams and Leonard huffs, pushing past giggling Ramon. They were children, both of them.

He finds his sister sitting in a chair, the circle pillow that she brought from hospital still under her. She’s leaning back a bit, the baby boy in her arms, little palms pressed against her breast as he feeds contently, while Lisa holds him close, secure and smiling softly.

“Hey.” Leonard nods at her, and Lisa looks up from the boy, her smile widening slightly.

“Lenny.” She reaches out one arm and Leonard steps closer, taking it. From this new angle he notices that the boy is more sleeping than feeding, really, and he leans down, tapping his cheek lightly. He scrunches his nose in displeasure, reminding Leonard of Lisa for a moment.

“Oh my.” There’s a gasp from the door and Lisa snickers quietly, beckoning Raymond closer with her head.

“Hi, Ray.”

“Can I hold him? Please let me hold him? I promise I won’t drop him,  _I promise_.” He sounds like a kid on Christmas too.

“If that’s the reassurance you need to give, I don’t think I’m able to trust you with my godson.”

Lisa snickers again, patting the hand Leonard’s resting on her shoulder.

“You know Wyatt is as much of his godson as he’s yours. You just need to make an honest man out of Raymond here to make it official.” She’s grins, her eyes looking tired a bit, before turning to Raymond.

“Sure you can. Just sit down here.”

Raymond almost trips over his feet in a hurry to comply and Lisa lifts Wyatt up a bit, handing him slowly over.

“Should I burp him or something?”

“Not when he’s this sleepy. Just make sure you’re supporting his head always, okay? And press him closer to your chest, one hand under his bottom – yes, that’s perfect.”

“I’m holding a baby. I’m holding a baby, Len!”

“Yeah, and everyone’s already worried.” He drawls and doesn’t jump when Lisa hits his stomach playfully. He does smile down at her however.

“Don’t listen to him, Ray.” She says, before grinning up at Leonard and waggling her eyebrows. “I’m sure Raymond  _handles_ things more difficult and fragile on daily bases than a baby.”

“Okay, no. I do not want to be weirded out by sexual escapades of your brother and my friend, thank you very much.” Cisco complains when he steps into the room, tray with glasses in hands.

“Shouldn’t  _I_ be the one weirded out by that? He  _is_ my brother.”

“You’re not weirded out by anything though.” Cisco complains, handing a glass over to Lisa. Leonard pretends he doesn’t see the way his fingers linger on Lisa’s for a moment.

“I  _was_ weirded out by the stuff that came out after the baby did.”

“And  _that_ is where we should change the topic.” Cisco says quickly, turning to Leonard. “Any spoilers for us this time?”

“Yes. My sister is going to leave you for Felicity Smoke soon.” Leonard responds, making Cisco roll his eyes.

“Ha, ha.”

“Well, that’s real dangerous.” Lisa muses. “Felicity  _is_ quite a catch.” Cisco’s gullible big eyes turn to her and Lisa laughs, reaching out and touching his hand. 

Leonard’s not interested in the reassurances that are sure to come – instead leans down and kisses his sister’s forehead, whispering a quiet ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ before he sits on the couch next to Raymond and little Wyatt, reaching over to touch the small palm. The boy grasps at his finger immediately and Raymond turns to look at Leonard, his eye wide and happy and in awe.

“He’s so wonderful and amazing.” He whispers. Leonard’s eyes move from the baby to Raymond for a moment. He doesn’t fight the small smile climbing to his lips. Not this time. After all, he’s surrounded by family.

“Yeah… yeah he is.” Leonard whispers and lets his hand slip behind Raymond’s neck. Mindful of Wyatt, he pulls Raymond in for a gentle kiss. 

In seconds, there is a low whistle.

“Now that’s what I call a great Mother’s Day!” 

Ramon’s not moving, probably, because Leonard can hear him whining. 

“Why in front of the  _baby._  We don’t even kiss in front of Wyatt.” 

“Which is  _still_ stupid! Now be a good boy and fetch the camera! These pictures will make wonderful invites for their wedding!” 

Right then and there, Leonard vows he will not let Lisa anywhere near their wedding preparations if there ever will be any… probably not let  _Raymond_  anywhere near those either. 

But his sister is right. It  _is_  a great Mother’s Day. First one, in a very long time.


End file.
